Tanishe’s stomach slid down to the floor as she heard Hasani sentence them all to die together. Grasping Neena’s hand tighter, she kept her face smooth and impassive so as not to show her fears. What gave her away was the way her hand curled tight around her stomach. Her baby. Tears welled hot and unbidden in her eyes until the scene before her blurred. This poisoned water. She almost hoped she died because she did not want to face this disappointment again…

She turned her head and kissed the top of Neena’s so that she didn’t have to look at Hasani or meet his gaze. At that precise moment he was speaking with Mwenye and Tanishe was also blocked from him by the arms of her sister and mother. Shange, her brother, hovered somewhere nearby. Their love was wonderful but she knew it was also a sort of funerary hug because the decree meant that this pregnancy likely wouldn’t continue.

It was so hard to pull it together but she managed, giving herself a headache in the process from keeping tears back. She watched her brother supervising the water and thought he looked a little ill, though . Waving some of the waiting warriors goodbye and wishing them all speed, she sucked on her lower lip but didn’t bother to try to rouse people the way Neena did. No one was willing to be lulled by false cheer, least of all herself. Her mother had left her side by then to go get her water ration and true to her word, gave it to Tanishe but the Leierin didn’t accept it. Despite the extra portion, her babe would not make it, she already knew, and to needlessly deprive her mother of water - she couldn’t do it.

That, of course, resulted in a little bit of an argument where Tanishe was badgered on one side by Neena and the other side her mother, also urging her. Tanishe won this by simply obeying what Hasani had said and saying that the Leier had decreed this water ration for them all and that’s what they would have. It was a bitter victory, though, and she kept her eyes on her bowl, hoping the sun reflecting in the water would give reason for the shimmer in her own eyes.

It was a long process for the line to move and Tanishe finally did cave to what Neena had wanted. The two of them sat in the shade, finding what respite they could while the rest of the tribe took their turn with water rations. Though she wanted to, Tanishe did not doze. The sharp and abrupt turn her life had taken, the dull sorrow in her chest kept her most unfortunately awake and very aware.

She watched a group of children running around beneath one of the palms but couldn’t bring herself to smile. In this moment, seeing them made her ache. If only she could hold a warm, snuggly baby in her arms - a promise of future for her and her husband. But all she held now was Neena, on whose breast she rested, staring dully out into the surrounding desert.

Sometime later, she heard Hasani shouting for the tribe to make ready but Tanishe didn’t move right away. Her throat burned and even in her sorrow, she’d begun to feel the effects of not enough water. It made her lethargic and listless and, blessedly, numb. She and Neena stayed like that while the tribe around them prepared but eventually even they had to leave the makeshift shade. It was packed up and cast the two women back into the glaring sunlight.

Tanishe sighed, watching as their camel was being led towards them. It was a ugly animal with teeth jutting out from its lower jaw to stick up like a tumble of rocks over its top lip. But it was a sweet camel, always interested in affection and sometimes nosing its way over their kaftans looking for treats. The camel approached them now with all the gentle, doe eyed innocence that animals possessed, not knowing the situation for her humans.

Tanishe reached out and rubbed the camel’s neck, giving her half hearted affection. Dutifully their camel kneeled but before Tanishe could clamber up onto her back, she noticed Hasani riding towards them with a stern firmness that she knew meant he wanted something. When his arm reached down towards her, Tanishe accepted his hand and was pulled onto his camel. She settled as best she could in front of him. The camel’s wide sides forced her legs to open wider than most people were comfortable with. Being of this part of the world, she was used to it but being pregnant made her joints a little odd and so it was a bit of a trick to get herself properly situated.

His camel let out a loud belch and then a distinctly camel-y groan, nearly drowning out his order for Neena to take her own mount. Tanishe made no indication of preference but the truth was she was relieved to have Hasani’s arms around her. She leaned back into him, her expression dull and flat while the procession finally began to move. Rocks and sand crunched beneath the camel’s hooves and for a time, no one spoke. Not the two of them, no one around them. Everyone’s mouths were too dry. So it was a little bit of a surprise when she heard her husband ask if he’d failed the tribe.

“How could you?” she rasped, turning her head sideways to try and get him in view. “How could any of us have known?” The short of it was - they couldn’t have. But he would fail them if he brought them this way again without checking the watering hole first with scouts next time. What this meant was that their route was now permanently altered and they would need to find water and dig some sort of well.

The day was hot and made all the hotter from lack of water. A few hours in, Tanishe felt the first of the pangs. “It’s happening,” she gasped, throwing her head back against Hasani’s shoulder. “It’s happening…” the worst of it was that she didn’t have any tears to cry. Her weeping was as dry as everything else and the real horror of it was that it was public. The camel had to be stopped so that Tanishe could be given fabric to soak the blood of the miscarriage. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die and selfishly, she rather hoped they never reached water. ...but only in that moment.