Exhaustion had overtaken her, and despite the fact that Thea never considered herself to be an idle person, she found herself resting quite frequently. Whether in a chair looking out the window or retiring to the bed, it just felt as if every bone in her body wanted to lose its form.

Yet, she could not sleep. It had eluded her for more than a half hour at a time. It left her exhausted and more scattered than she normally felt. 

It was not an issue of her condition, she believed, though it could play some part in it. Instead, it was just all of the interactions she shared, all the questions that demanded an answer, all of the retelling of the same, humiliation over and over and over again that just ran her ragged.

The worst part is that it was not as difficult to say. Of course, certain parties warranted deeper explanations than others. Still, those asking the questions would love nothing more than to see her humiliated and cowering in shame. Thea would not. Thea was accepting of the fact that this situation should have never happened, but it was in the past and the only thing she could do would be to move forward and do what was best for herself and for the child she carried.

Though she had been finely carving that outer shell, trying to rise above the whispered, scathing words and the ire of the Kotas House, part of her on the inside did feel as though it were withering. It was why she had kept herself within the quarters for so long. Her skin was paler and though her stomach had not bothered her so much in the past handful of days, eating significantly was not something she thought much on doing to pass the time.

The day was particularly sunny, almost to the point of being obnoxiously cheerful, and as she glanced out the window, she saw the rustle of autumn leaves dancing across the grounds of the Kotas Estate. Though she would be accompanied at a distance by her shadow of a guard, Thea knew that a woman in her state needed some fresh air and sunlight in order to stay healthy. After all, it was for something far more important than her personal wellbeing.

Wrapped in a deep-emerald green himation over a deep-navy chiton, Thea made her way to the door, almost looking forward to a quiet walk alone. At least the wind would keep her company instead of the silence within these walls. Her hand fell to the door and she gasped as she heard a knock, startling her for being so close. Catching her breath, she felt a rush of nerves go through her as her expression grimaced and crumbled.

Again. Here we go. This was what she got for a seeking a pleasant moment.

Her mind quickly flicked through the faces that she had seen since arriving and left only a few possibilities, but the only way for her to know was to open the door. The fact that it had not opened yet gave her the sinking pit in her stomach. Not Kotas - they would have just opened the door on their own volition.

Oh, gods...

There she was, beauty incarnate. Thea looked at her for a moment, uncertainty mixed with agony in her own green eyes as she glanced down, giving herself a blessed reprieve by offering a curtsey.

"Lady Selene...."

Standing, Thea was at a loss for words, looking back to the guest suite for a moment, preparing to invite her in but pausing. Instead she offered, "Will you join me for a walk in the orchard? The trees are beginning to turn."

The request would have seemed heedlessly blithe were it not for the fragile expression Thea held. There was nothing she wanted in the world more than to talk to Selene about anything and everything other than what she was likely here to speak on. Swallowing lightly, she glanced back to the room again. Something in her wanted to crumble at the thought of another painful conversation in these walls - the thought that they would hold these memories as long as she was to live there - but the only sign of that was the slight tightening of her eyes and the pursing of her lips. Still, she offered, "Or..we can stay here. As it pleases you."

The first night alone in the Kotas manor gave her all the time she needed to wallow in the dread of her fate. In those late, sleepless hours, she bemoaned the life she had so carefully crafted - both the good and the bad - and threw her oft hidden emotional fit. Without even a servant or a handmaiden to witness such an uncouth, childish tantrum. By the gods, she did not want any of this, partially out of her own selfish desire to control whatever aspects of her existence that she could but also because she knew damned well that her family - namely her Father and Nethis - would take entirely too much glee. In the span of a day, she had gone from simply a family member to a pawn in this grand game those two longed to play.

A winning piece, even.

By the first morning, when Evras stormed in and demanded her explanations, Thea had resigned herself to her fate. Yes, there was plenty of explaining to do, and it had taken place with varying levels of difficulty over the passing days depending on who approached her and, specifically, how they approached her, but no one would catch her bemoaning her station now.

Did she take pride in it? No. Not personally. Did she abhor it? Also, no. It was far from the ideal way she saw her life going, but it was not an ending point. There were many difficulties on the road ahead but worrying about those now would be wasted energy.

In her state, she had no energy to waste. Already, from her condition and from the passing days, Thea was just….tired.

That exhaustion felt as though it could buckle her at the knees as she saw Selene standing before her. For the briefest moment, they stood locked in silence after the offer. It seemed like an age before either of them moved or simply responded to seeing one another.

When Selene’s hand rose, Thea’s face flinched - eyes pinching closed and cheeks raising slightly in defense. The blow never came but her eyes flew open in a start when Selene’s hand cupped her cheek so delicately.

In a single touch, Thea felt something within her composure completely reverse. In all this, she was ready for the condemning words, for the demands of explanation, and yes, even the furied blow on her cheek. What she did not expect was for that brief moment of compassion.

Selene accepted her offer for a walk in the orchards, the quiet musings allowing her a moment for a brittle and carefully held smile to keep the breadth of confused emotion and anxiety wound in her chest, not to break through.

“There is not an artist among us within my family,” Thea admitted, graciously accepting the light conversation that the golden beauty offered, “It was not a natural talent for any of us, nor was it encouraged. We all, one way or another, found our interests elsewhere and our father tolerated it.” The words were spoken matter-of-factly, a gentle smile in place as she indulged in this already-so-familiar moment between them. “But, your sister is blessed to have such a talent. And you for music, so I hear.”

Had life been different, there would have been many more hours of this to look forward to, but Thea knew that would be far too much to ask of the woman she found friendship in, especially given the deep gash of betrayal at her own hand. There would be so many things that they would never get to know about one another. Thea knew, without Selene saying it, that she would not linger in Colchis and it stung her, not only with the fault being hers but also the impending loneliness that would follow.

Quietly, they walked through the orchard, neither truly looking at one another. They reached the end of the orchard, a high point that overlooked the remaining land but hidden away. From here, neither could see the Kotas manor or the reality within. In that moment, it was just the two of them.

As their arms unlooped, Thea took Selene’s hands in hers. More than anything she wanted to look the woman in the eyes, to offer her the one apology that everyone around her wanted to hear from her - to admit regret for all that brought her here. And yet, the words could not come to her, nor could she bring her eyes to lift from the few scattered leaves that had fallen too early on the dusty ground.

At some point, Thea had exhaled and held her breath, for when she took in another breath, it was a ragged, shaking thing that seemed to rattle her collarbones and lift her chest, yet hardly bring any air in. She released it, as if to try again, only for it to repeat, this time with a slight stinging in her eyes, which she pinched closed to stymie the tears.

Before the night of her arrival in the Kotas Manor, Thea could not recall the last time she cried. It easily could have been years, likely due to some eve of exhaustion or illness. Composure had been her one saving grace all these years, but now, she felt worn and tired and ill from it all, and before her stood someone she had wronged more than anyone thus far, and the words for an apology could not come to her lips - not for lack of wanting to but for there being no words strong enough to cover the depth of it all.

Instead, all she managed to produce was a hot stream of tears rolling down her cheeks, as she shook her head, uselessly trying to stop them.

Every element of that shared moment between Selene and Thea felt utterly surreal. From the rush of blood to the head that accompanied the unfamiliar tears, leading it to feel muddled and aching nearly the way it did when influenced by wine. A composed, Colchian woman should never fall apart like this - even in private, but absolutely not in front of another.

More surreal than that was the way Selene stepped in to fold Thea into her arms, her hand guiding Thea's head to her shoulder. It was an even more unfamiliar feeling than the tears on her cheeks, to be on the receiving end of such....care.

As if her mind was trying to protect itself from the strangeness of it all, it tried drifting back through memories - when was the last time she had been held or comforted like this? Plenty of times she had offered such care to her sister Evras or to Mihail, but...Nethis had never done such at thing for her. Perhaps...it was her mother. How many years had it been now? Eighteen, Twenty? Her mind was not set on doing the figures but instead seeking out the comfort there...

All she knew is that, despite her initial instinct to pull away and find some sort of way to compose herself, her body would not comply, and instead pendulum swung in the opposite direction.

The sound of the ragged sob that escaped her, muffled into the fabric of Selene's chiton was shocking. It took Thea a moment to even recognize the foreign sound, but by the time she did, another racked through her chest, until her breath was gasping and unsteady. It was as if she was no longer in charge of her own body as it purged itself of every ounce of restrained feeling. The bonds had been broken on it, and like a broken vase, it shattered and spilled out of her.

The critical voice in the back of her mind was distantly scoffing, ignored in that particular moment as it asked the question - what are you even crying over?

Thea did not know. Was it just over this situation? Was it for the harm she had done to the one person who had truly become her friend after so many years? Was it years of feelings hidden away that were being bled out like an infection, or the venom of a snake's bite? How fitting...

It took some time before her breathing settled, and she finally became aware of Selene's comforting sounds turning into words. Thea lifted her head and drew one of her hands up to her face as if to hide it away in shame for such weakness. Her wet lashes lifted to see Selene take her step back, giving her a moment to swipe her fingers beneath her eyes and under her nose, trying to get as much of the cleansing, cool air into her lungs as possible with the hopes of clearing away these errant emotions.

Thea shook her head, unable to speak quite yet to offer the appropriate protest. It made no sense for her to not place the blame squarely on the Thanasi's shoulders - everyone else had, and at this point, it would have been easier to bear that blame, instead of this....this...grace. Thea did not want grace in this, particularly not from the one person who had been harmed in this the most. It was almost infuriating, like a drop of red dye swirling oddly into the fluid and confusing emotions she felt at that moment.

Thea noticed the single tear that the Leventi swiped away from her cheek, and there was a slight huff of a breath that came from her. In that one moment, it was if they had exchanged the stereotypes of their origins - Thea as the overly emotional Taengea and Selene as the stoic, dignified Colchian. Seeing it just drove the blade of it even deeper...

Selene was meant to be Queen of Colchis...

Her brows knit in confusion at the way Selene phrased her request.

"Of course," Thea replied, her voice stifled but assured as she spoke, "Anything."

Thea struggled to cope with her responses. Her mind was repulsed by this lapse in composure and submission to sentimentality, and it was doing it's best to cage these wild emotions once more. In many ways, she felt angry, but it had bubbled forth as tears of mixed emotions, and above all she just wanted to lash out - whether to the gods for their cruelty in this or to Selene for this foolish act of forgiveness that Thea was convinced was entirely unwarranted.

Though initially relenting as Selene took Thea's hands into her own, the Thanasi pulled a slight face at the comfort that was still trying to be offered. Utterly embarrassed to the most base level not only by the situation she found herself in but also in this moment of weakness, her gut instinct was to pull her hands away from Selene's, and it whispered to her 'are you going to let her patronize you in such a way?' It was not an instinct that could be erased quickly, yet, the faith and security that had been built into their friendship in such a short time kept her hands there.

Nearly every phrase Selene spoke made Thea want to interrupt and protest - Selene was wrong on so many levels regarding the faults in this. It would also be utterly unreasonable to expect Thea to not think on the way the fates had stripped her of every potential joy she could have had. Only one thing in that phrase stilled her tongue at it - the gods had made their choice. It did not matter that Thea believed it to be a stupid, petty choice and that she was a part of some grand game beyond her imagination, but there was one certain thing in this life: the gods choices could not be changed by mere mortals.

Thea exhaled a huffed breath through her nose, her sharp brows pinching in the middle in a furrow. It was clear that Thea wanted to resist the request being made of her to a certain extent, even without speaking a word.

Until, Selene spoke of the child, and how it should feel loved and wanted, regardless of her own feelings towards the circumstances.

"That, I can do," Thea all but whispered, knowing that caring for the child would be entirely within her realm of control. As Selene's hand felt to her flat stomach, it was clear they could both picture the future to come, and in that moment there was the smallest ghost of a smile in the form of Thea's lips pressing together a bit more, the corner of one side pinching in and upward ever so slightly. Already she could imagine her arms holding a tiny bundle, trying to coax an expression of something other than the utter seriousness that it would inherit from both mother and father. There was an immediate fear and strike of realization after that thought - where it hit her that she hated the entire situation that led to this, but she did not hate the thought of the child itself...

And that was terrifying.

The thought was assuaged again as it was Selene's turn to let emotion break through, and Thea's guilt pinched the outer corners of her eyes, already softened from her own tears.

Every word Selene said about Vangelis was true, even issuing a soft breath of a laugh through her nose at the word 'stubborn' - a mild word compared to the replacements she thought of when Vangelis came to mind. Each word she said was clearly a duty that Selene had been prepared to uphold, and it was almost odd hearing the 'advice' coming from someone who would never hold that position. In a sense, the idea of marrying Vangelis came a bit 'easier' at the thought of it simply being a duty - a task to complete. That was....almost a manageable thought, and though it likely did not have the intention of comforting Thea, it strangely did.

Which felt horrible to realize as the woman across from her shed tears as her own loss of a duty that she cleary wanted more than anything. Selene wanted that time, that exploration, and everything that came along with marrying the future King of Colchis. It hurt even more as Selene then pushed the compliment of Thea's future as Queen onto her, sending her glance away and an audible scoffed plea for the woman...

"Stop..."

Yet, it would go unheard, as her friend stiffened her resolve even further, making her clear and concise demand, rationalizing it. It was clear the she was trying to convince herself of these things instead of Thea, who knew that there was no changing the course of history now. And throughout, Thea's expression settled into it's usual, unreadable composure once again. After all, the release of emotion she had just had was like the release of pressure, and she felt she could breathe again....and more importantly, to speak and respond.

It was was now her turn to soothe the wound.

"How selfish of you to be so selfless in this, Selene," Thea replied, a tease though restrained given the tenuous and static air of the conversation. Her voice still held a quiver to it as it gained its sure footing, thick with the tears and a tickle of drivel that tried to cling to the back of her throat. She cleared her throat as a result.

"What you ask of me is Herculean, and you know it," she began, quickly clarifying, "Not in accepting what lies ahead, but the...acceptance of how it came to be, and what it has done to you. It is cruel, even, to not permit me to even accept the blame in my part of your sorrow. That is the one request, unfortunately, I cannot abide."

Thea's gaze upon Selene was direct and unyielding, the edges of her gaze rimmed with lingering emotion, though now blessedly restrained simply to there, even trying to offer a sad smile as she added, "Even if you say you will not put the blame on me, I will take and carry that blame regardless. It is what I do, and you cannot change that about me."

There was a sense of long-held sorrow in that smile, of the girl who had been called witch and blamed for any sort of misfortune that happened near her or in her wake. Her name was meant to carry any passing blame, and she was not so fragile as to not carry yet another on her shoulders.

After all, carrying the blame as a Thanasi was far easier than accepting any forgiveness and grace. Those, Thea would not accept.

"As for the rest, you ask me to try, and so I shall. I do not have any choice further in the matter. Nor do I think I would allow myself to fail at such a task...if only because I could not bear the thought of dishonoring you in the process, and the place that was meant for you." Thea took a breath, feeling just the slightest crack in her composure trying to break through again - this time, not at the loss she felt for herself, but that which she felt for Selene. Her voice dropped low as she added softly, "I would take it all back if I could, if only to ensure you had the joy you deserved, in your rightful place."