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Theodora had been Queen since Panamos. One would think after all that time Eliana would be used to be serving the Queen of Taengea (after having served her Lady for years), yet it still felt like every day came with its own set of challenges. Things were busier than before, with new problems arising, making a month feel as if it was nine (seriously, Eliana swore multiple things were happening a day- Kuklios was far too busy). There was one constant- however, and something that caught Eliana’s attention. The Queen had seemed more ill than normal.
Eliana had her suspicions. The King was a handsome man, the Queen was a beautiful woman, and… well, they just got married. They freaking slept together. And when a man and a woman love each other very much… they have sex and babies are born. Not to mention Theodora had some odd cravings that Eliana had gone to fetch, foods that Theodora never once shown interest in before.
Theodora had to expect by now, didn’t she? It hadn’t been all that long since the King left, and surely on the days leading up to departure they… enjoyed their married life together. All this going through her brain this morning, as she laid out Theodora’s clothes (Gods, how long would it be before Eliana has to go shopping for something looser? Or would she have her current closet loosened? It had better be the former, else Eliana’s fingers were going to sting for weeks.). Then she heard from the washroom what sounded like a sick Queen.
How many mornings is this now? Three? Eliana mentally sighed as she hurried over to the washroom, preparing a wet towel for Theodora. “Your morning is fairly empty,” Eliana said, instead of cooing and fussing over her as some of the other ladies would. “I had already asked a healer to stop by this morning before I came. Just because the last two days...” Perhaps she was being proactive, but there was no time like the present to figure out what was wrong with her.
Honestly- Eliana didn’t know what she hoped for, some common illness or what was more likely the case. While pregnancy was almost surely what ailed Theodora, with the news of the King’s capture and the uncertainty of war, bringing a child into this world would be terrifying. Especially if it were to be a son and that son was to be king. Not that Eliana would voice any of that. What Theodora needed should Eliana’s suspicions be true was reassurances, not doubt. But Eliana had to be mentally prepared to give the right face to her friend, instead of defaulting to excitement or cautious optimism. She had to read the room.
Eliana walked towards Theodora with the wet towel. “Why after being sick you still manage to be freaking gorgeous? Seriously, I’ve copied your beauty routine and I still look like Scylla right after being sick. This is so unfair. Can you try lowering yourself to me at least once? Gods, Theodora. Selfish.” Eliana teased, with a laugh.
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Theodora had been Queen since Panamos. One would think after all that time Eliana would be used to be serving the Queen of Taengea (after having served her Lady for years), yet it still felt like every day came with its own set of challenges. Things were busier than before, with new problems arising, making a month feel as if it was nine (seriously, Eliana swore multiple things were happening a day- Kuklios was far too busy). There was one constant- however, and something that caught Eliana’s attention. The Queen had seemed more ill than normal.
Eliana had her suspicions. The King was a handsome man, the Queen was a beautiful woman, and… well, they just got married. They freaking slept together. And when a man and a woman love each other very much… they have sex and babies are born. Not to mention Theodora had some odd cravings that Eliana had gone to fetch, foods that Theodora never once shown interest in before.
Theodora had to expect by now, didn’t she? It hadn’t been all that long since the King left, and surely on the days leading up to departure they… enjoyed their married life together. All this going through her brain this morning, as she laid out Theodora’s clothes (Gods, how long would it be before Eliana has to go shopping for something looser? Or would she have her current closet loosened? It had better be the former, else Eliana’s fingers were going to sting for weeks.). Then she heard from the washroom what sounded like a sick Queen.
How many mornings is this now? Three? Eliana mentally sighed as she hurried over to the washroom, preparing a wet towel for Theodora. “Your morning is fairly empty,” Eliana said, instead of cooing and fussing over her as some of the other ladies would. “I had already asked a healer to stop by this morning before I came. Just because the last two days...” Perhaps she was being proactive, but there was no time like the present to figure out what was wrong with her.
Honestly- Eliana didn’t know what she hoped for, some common illness or what was more likely the case. While pregnancy was almost surely what ailed Theodora, with the news of the King’s capture and the uncertainty of war, bringing a child into this world would be terrifying. Especially if it were to be a son and that son was to be king. Not that Eliana would voice any of that. What Theodora needed should Eliana’s suspicions be true was reassurances, not doubt. But Eliana had to be mentally prepared to give the right face to her friend, instead of defaulting to excitement or cautious optimism. She had to read the room.
Eliana walked towards Theodora with the wet towel. “Why after being sick you still manage to be freaking gorgeous? Seriously, I’ve copied your beauty routine and I still look like Scylla right after being sick. This is so unfair. Can you try lowering yourself to me at least once? Gods, Theodora. Selfish.” Eliana teased, with a laugh.
Theodora had been Queen since Panamos. One would think after all that time Eliana would be used to be serving the Queen of Taengea (after having served her Lady for years), yet it still felt like every day came with its own set of challenges. Things were busier than before, with new problems arising, making a month feel as if it was nine (seriously, Eliana swore multiple things were happening a day- Kuklios was far too busy). There was one constant- however, and something that caught Eliana’s attention. The Queen had seemed more ill than normal.
Eliana had her suspicions. The King was a handsome man, the Queen was a beautiful woman, and… well, they just got married. They freaking slept together. And when a man and a woman love each other very much… they have sex and babies are born. Not to mention Theodora had some odd cravings that Eliana had gone to fetch, foods that Theodora never once shown interest in before.
Theodora had to expect by now, didn’t she? It hadn’t been all that long since the King left, and surely on the days leading up to departure they… enjoyed their married life together. All this going through her brain this morning, as she laid out Theodora’s clothes (Gods, how long would it be before Eliana has to go shopping for something looser? Or would she have her current closet loosened? It had better be the former, else Eliana’s fingers were going to sting for weeks.). Then she heard from the washroom what sounded like a sick Queen.
How many mornings is this now? Three? Eliana mentally sighed as she hurried over to the washroom, preparing a wet towel for Theodora. “Your morning is fairly empty,” Eliana said, instead of cooing and fussing over her as some of the other ladies would. “I had already asked a healer to stop by this morning before I came. Just because the last two days...” Perhaps she was being proactive, but there was no time like the present to figure out what was wrong with her.
Honestly- Eliana didn’t know what she hoped for, some common illness or what was more likely the case. While pregnancy was almost surely what ailed Theodora, with the news of the King’s capture and the uncertainty of war, bringing a child into this world would be terrifying. Especially if it were to be a son and that son was to be king. Not that Eliana would voice any of that. What Theodora needed should Eliana’s suspicions be true was reassurances, not doubt. But Eliana had to be mentally prepared to give the right face to her friend, instead of defaulting to excitement or cautious optimism. She had to read the room.
Eliana walked towards Theodora with the wet towel. “Why after being sick you still manage to be freaking gorgeous? Seriously, I’ve copied your beauty routine and I still look like Scylla right after being sick. This is so unfair. Can you try lowering yourself to me at least once? Gods, Theodora. Selfish.” Eliana teased, with a laugh.
Sitting up with a groaning sigh, Theodora wiped the back of her hand against her mouth and gratefully accepted the towel as Eliana entered the washroom. As blunt as the woman could be, the Queen actually appreciated her friend’s no-nonsense approach. She spoke to her as if she was a fellow human being, and she didn’t fawn over her like so many of her other attendants. It was refreshing in a sea of sycophantic liars to know there was at least one person she could count on not to shower her in bullshit.
This was the third morning in a row she had been sick like this, Eliana was right, and she supposed it was a good thing she had summoned the healer already. “Thank you,” she said, dabbing lightly at her face before she handed the towel back. Hauling herself up off the floor, Theodora shook out her disheveled chiton. “I’m sure it’s just stress. Papa used to get an upset stomach when he had big decisions to make. It’s probably that.”
Of course, the Queen wasn’t totally oblivious to her own bodily humors, and she knew there was a very strong possibility of it being something else entirely. After all, she had three younger sisters, so she was fairly well-acquainted with the symptoms of pregnancy. She was late on her monthly courses too, but she hadn’t mentioned this to her retainer. Then again, Eliana probably already knew it anyway. She was privy to most details of Theodora’s life, even the less savory ones.
The only reason she didn’t want to admit that’s what it might be… well… Two different sets of blue eyes swam in the back of her mind’s eye, and she groaned again. One thing at a time, Theo. One thing at a time.
She laughed at Eliana’s comments on her beauty, shaking her head with a profound shudder. “I look like Hades took me into the Underworld, gagged, and shooed me back out,” the Queen retorted, peeking into her looking glass and lifting her lip at her reflection. She knew of the rumors of her supposedly divine beauty, but no matter what Eliana said, she sure didn’t feel like it that morning. “Good try, though.”
Eyeing Eliana, she waved away the comments on the woman’s own appearance. “Not a bit of that is true. You’re easily as beautiful as I am, if not more so. You just don’t get your due credit because you weren’t born a Leventi.” Playfully sticking out her tongue, she wrinkled her nose. “It’s all in the name, darling,” she said with a dramatic flip of her hair. “People see what they want to see.”
Leaving the washroom to head back into her bedroom, Theodora sat down at her vanity table and waited for Eliana to come over and begin what was by now a very familiar morning ritual. Running her fingers through her hopelessly tangled hair, she would wait for Eliana to work her magic on it as they awaited the physician’s arrival.
“I already feel better, you know,” she insisted, glancing at Eliana through the reflection in the looking glass. “I’m sure it’s fine.” Whether her words were meant to convince her or her friend remained to be seen.
It wasn’t long before she heard a tap at the door, Theodora ushering the man behind it inside. ‘Your Majesty, my lady,’ he greeted them both, approaching with a bow. ‘Good morning. I hear the Queen isn’t feeling her best?’
“Good morning,” she returned the man’s greeting, a man whose name she could not quite remember. “Just a bit of nausea, nothing too serious. Lady Eliana here was concerned, since it has been a few days in a row.”
‘I see. Have you eaten anything recently that didn’t agree with you?’
The Queen shook her head. “No, not that I can think of. I have been eating quite a lot though, so perhaps I am just making myself sick that way?”
The physician didn’t seem so convinced, raising a skeptical brow at Theodora. ‘It is possible, Your Majesty, but I don’t think that’s the case.’ He glanced over at the Lady Kassotis, raising a brow. Was the Queen really not hearing her own words? She was practically diagnosing herself.
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Sitting up with a groaning sigh, Theodora wiped the back of her hand against her mouth and gratefully accepted the towel as Eliana entered the washroom. As blunt as the woman could be, the Queen actually appreciated her friend’s no-nonsense approach. She spoke to her as if she was a fellow human being, and she didn’t fawn over her like so many of her other attendants. It was refreshing in a sea of sycophantic liars to know there was at least one person she could count on not to shower her in bullshit.
This was the third morning in a row she had been sick like this, Eliana was right, and she supposed it was a good thing she had summoned the healer already. “Thank you,” she said, dabbing lightly at her face before she handed the towel back. Hauling herself up off the floor, Theodora shook out her disheveled chiton. “I’m sure it’s just stress. Papa used to get an upset stomach when he had big decisions to make. It’s probably that.”
Of course, the Queen wasn’t totally oblivious to her own bodily humors, and she knew there was a very strong possibility of it being something else entirely. After all, she had three younger sisters, so she was fairly well-acquainted with the symptoms of pregnancy. She was late on her monthly courses too, but she hadn’t mentioned this to her retainer. Then again, Eliana probably already knew it anyway. She was privy to most details of Theodora’s life, even the less savory ones.
The only reason she didn’t want to admit that’s what it might be… well… Two different sets of blue eyes swam in the back of her mind’s eye, and she groaned again. One thing at a time, Theo. One thing at a time.
She laughed at Eliana’s comments on her beauty, shaking her head with a profound shudder. “I look like Hades took me into the Underworld, gagged, and shooed me back out,” the Queen retorted, peeking into her looking glass and lifting her lip at her reflection. She knew of the rumors of her supposedly divine beauty, but no matter what Eliana said, she sure didn’t feel like it that morning. “Good try, though.”
Eyeing Eliana, she waved away the comments on the woman’s own appearance. “Not a bit of that is true. You’re easily as beautiful as I am, if not more so. You just don’t get your due credit because you weren’t born a Leventi.” Playfully sticking out her tongue, she wrinkled her nose. “It’s all in the name, darling,” she said with a dramatic flip of her hair. “People see what they want to see.”
Leaving the washroom to head back into her bedroom, Theodora sat down at her vanity table and waited for Eliana to come over and begin what was by now a very familiar morning ritual. Running her fingers through her hopelessly tangled hair, she would wait for Eliana to work her magic on it as they awaited the physician’s arrival.
“I already feel better, you know,” she insisted, glancing at Eliana through the reflection in the looking glass. “I’m sure it’s fine.” Whether her words were meant to convince her or her friend remained to be seen.
It wasn’t long before she heard a tap at the door, Theodora ushering the man behind it inside. ‘Your Majesty, my lady,’ he greeted them both, approaching with a bow. ‘Good morning. I hear the Queen isn’t feeling her best?’
“Good morning,” she returned the man’s greeting, a man whose name she could not quite remember. “Just a bit of nausea, nothing too serious. Lady Eliana here was concerned, since it has been a few days in a row.”
‘I see. Have you eaten anything recently that didn’t agree with you?’
The Queen shook her head. “No, not that I can think of. I have been eating quite a lot though, so perhaps I am just making myself sick that way?”
The physician didn’t seem so convinced, raising a skeptical brow at Theodora. ‘It is possible, Your Majesty, but I don’t think that’s the case.’ He glanced over at the Lady Kassotis, raising a brow. Was the Queen really not hearing her own words? She was practically diagnosing herself.
Sitting up with a groaning sigh, Theodora wiped the back of her hand against her mouth and gratefully accepted the towel as Eliana entered the washroom. As blunt as the woman could be, the Queen actually appreciated her friend’s no-nonsense approach. She spoke to her as if she was a fellow human being, and she didn’t fawn over her like so many of her other attendants. It was refreshing in a sea of sycophantic liars to know there was at least one person she could count on not to shower her in bullshit.
This was the third morning in a row she had been sick like this, Eliana was right, and she supposed it was a good thing she had summoned the healer already. “Thank you,” she said, dabbing lightly at her face before she handed the towel back. Hauling herself up off the floor, Theodora shook out her disheveled chiton. “I’m sure it’s just stress. Papa used to get an upset stomach when he had big decisions to make. It’s probably that.”
Of course, the Queen wasn’t totally oblivious to her own bodily humors, and she knew there was a very strong possibility of it being something else entirely. After all, she had three younger sisters, so she was fairly well-acquainted with the symptoms of pregnancy. She was late on her monthly courses too, but she hadn’t mentioned this to her retainer. Then again, Eliana probably already knew it anyway. She was privy to most details of Theodora’s life, even the less savory ones.
The only reason she didn’t want to admit that’s what it might be… well… Two different sets of blue eyes swam in the back of her mind’s eye, and she groaned again. One thing at a time, Theo. One thing at a time.
She laughed at Eliana’s comments on her beauty, shaking her head with a profound shudder. “I look like Hades took me into the Underworld, gagged, and shooed me back out,” the Queen retorted, peeking into her looking glass and lifting her lip at her reflection. She knew of the rumors of her supposedly divine beauty, but no matter what Eliana said, she sure didn’t feel like it that morning. “Good try, though.”
Eyeing Eliana, she waved away the comments on the woman’s own appearance. “Not a bit of that is true. You’re easily as beautiful as I am, if not more so. You just don’t get your due credit because you weren’t born a Leventi.” Playfully sticking out her tongue, she wrinkled her nose. “It’s all in the name, darling,” she said with a dramatic flip of her hair. “People see what they want to see.”
Leaving the washroom to head back into her bedroom, Theodora sat down at her vanity table and waited for Eliana to come over and begin what was by now a very familiar morning ritual. Running her fingers through her hopelessly tangled hair, she would wait for Eliana to work her magic on it as they awaited the physician’s arrival.
“I already feel better, you know,” she insisted, glancing at Eliana through the reflection in the looking glass. “I’m sure it’s fine.” Whether her words were meant to convince her or her friend remained to be seen.
It wasn’t long before she heard a tap at the door, Theodora ushering the man behind it inside. ‘Your Majesty, my lady,’ he greeted them both, approaching with a bow. ‘Good morning. I hear the Queen isn’t feeling her best?’
“Good morning,” she returned the man’s greeting, a man whose name she could not quite remember. “Just a bit of nausea, nothing too serious. Lady Eliana here was concerned, since it has been a few days in a row.”
‘I see. Have you eaten anything recently that didn’t agree with you?’
The Queen shook her head. “No, not that I can think of. I have been eating quite a lot though, so perhaps I am just making myself sick that way?”
The physician didn’t seem so convinced, raising a skeptical brow at Theodora. ‘It is possible, Your Majesty, but I don’t think that’s the case.’ He glanced over at the Lady Kassotis, raising a brow. Was the Queen really not hearing her own words? She was practically diagnosing herself.
Eliana loved her friend- she really did. Eliana would jump in front of a sword for Theodora, and not just because she was the Queen. Theodora not only offered her a chance to be away from her home, away from the family she was avoiding- but she offered her a friendship and unwavering trust. And while her family, particularly her father, broke her’s… Theodora had proved to be nothing but loyal.
But it didn’t stop her from being an idiot sometimes.
There were times to bite your tongue and there were times to speak up. Unfortunately for Eliana, she rarely could distinguish which was which. She valued honesty- even when it was the most difficult thing to hear. So rather than the healer beating around the bush, the girl looked to her Queen, “You haven’t bled, my Queen,” While Theodora did not tell her this, unfortunately as handmaiden one was more aware of intimate secrets- whether or not their mistress knew. Eliana did, after all, take care of Theodora’s garments. “I may not be a healer, but if I were a gambling woman,” which she was, “I would put the diagnosis on pregnancy.”
The way she had spoken to the doctor made Eliana want to roll her eyes. She perhaps would have if she were raised to be rude. Eliana wanted to shake Theodora, for she knew that Theodora had the smarts to realize why she was like this. Perhaps it was denial? Her husband was away at war, missing even, and with a child, a potential heir, in her stomach… well, Eliana didn’t necessarily blame her for being in denial. But enough was enough and it was time for Theodora to open her eyes- even if what she would be staring at is a picture far too painful to look at.
The doctor had given Eliana a grimace for her phrasing, but did not deny the truth of her words. He instead gave the Queen a cursory exam. It did not take long, and once completed he stepped back clearing his throat. “Given the symptoms described to me, as well as your youth and health prior to your marriage, I believe this to be the correct diagnosis. Of course time will give us more information. However, I can leave herbs meant to calm the stomach, and tonics that should strengthen the mother and child. If any new symptoms arise, please summon me right away.”
He gave a bow and handed the herbs with Eliana. Evidently he expected the same diagnosis, or he just happened to always have those herbs with him. When he left, Eliana frowned at her friend. “Do you need a hug or would you like to jump in celebration? I’m ready to do either, just say the word, Theodora.” Eliana reached forward and grabbed both of Theodora’s hands. “Just know two things. The first, the King will find his way home and to his child. The second I’ll be here no matter what. Even through the sleepless nights taking care of a newborn. And the spittle. And the hair pulling.”
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Eliana loved her friend- she really did. Eliana would jump in front of a sword for Theodora, and not just because she was the Queen. Theodora not only offered her a chance to be away from her home, away from the family she was avoiding- but she offered her a friendship and unwavering trust. And while her family, particularly her father, broke her’s… Theodora had proved to be nothing but loyal.
But it didn’t stop her from being an idiot sometimes.
There were times to bite your tongue and there were times to speak up. Unfortunately for Eliana, she rarely could distinguish which was which. She valued honesty- even when it was the most difficult thing to hear. So rather than the healer beating around the bush, the girl looked to her Queen, “You haven’t bled, my Queen,” While Theodora did not tell her this, unfortunately as handmaiden one was more aware of intimate secrets- whether or not their mistress knew. Eliana did, after all, take care of Theodora’s garments. “I may not be a healer, but if I were a gambling woman,” which she was, “I would put the diagnosis on pregnancy.”
The way she had spoken to the doctor made Eliana want to roll her eyes. She perhaps would have if she were raised to be rude. Eliana wanted to shake Theodora, for she knew that Theodora had the smarts to realize why she was like this. Perhaps it was denial? Her husband was away at war, missing even, and with a child, a potential heir, in her stomach… well, Eliana didn’t necessarily blame her for being in denial. But enough was enough and it was time for Theodora to open her eyes- even if what she would be staring at is a picture far too painful to look at.
The doctor had given Eliana a grimace for her phrasing, but did not deny the truth of her words. He instead gave the Queen a cursory exam. It did not take long, and once completed he stepped back clearing his throat. “Given the symptoms described to me, as well as your youth and health prior to your marriage, I believe this to be the correct diagnosis. Of course time will give us more information. However, I can leave herbs meant to calm the stomach, and tonics that should strengthen the mother and child. If any new symptoms arise, please summon me right away.”
He gave a bow and handed the herbs with Eliana. Evidently he expected the same diagnosis, or he just happened to always have those herbs with him. When he left, Eliana frowned at her friend. “Do you need a hug or would you like to jump in celebration? I’m ready to do either, just say the word, Theodora.” Eliana reached forward and grabbed both of Theodora’s hands. “Just know two things. The first, the King will find his way home and to his child. The second I’ll be here no matter what. Even through the sleepless nights taking care of a newborn. And the spittle. And the hair pulling.”
Eliana loved her friend- she really did. Eliana would jump in front of a sword for Theodora, and not just because she was the Queen. Theodora not only offered her a chance to be away from her home, away from the family she was avoiding- but she offered her a friendship and unwavering trust. And while her family, particularly her father, broke her’s… Theodora had proved to be nothing but loyal.
But it didn’t stop her from being an idiot sometimes.
There were times to bite your tongue and there were times to speak up. Unfortunately for Eliana, she rarely could distinguish which was which. She valued honesty- even when it was the most difficult thing to hear. So rather than the healer beating around the bush, the girl looked to her Queen, “You haven’t bled, my Queen,” While Theodora did not tell her this, unfortunately as handmaiden one was more aware of intimate secrets- whether or not their mistress knew. Eliana did, after all, take care of Theodora’s garments. “I may not be a healer, but if I were a gambling woman,” which she was, “I would put the diagnosis on pregnancy.”
The way she had spoken to the doctor made Eliana want to roll her eyes. She perhaps would have if she were raised to be rude. Eliana wanted to shake Theodora, for she knew that Theodora had the smarts to realize why she was like this. Perhaps it was denial? Her husband was away at war, missing even, and with a child, a potential heir, in her stomach… well, Eliana didn’t necessarily blame her for being in denial. But enough was enough and it was time for Theodora to open her eyes- even if what she would be staring at is a picture far too painful to look at.
The doctor had given Eliana a grimace for her phrasing, but did not deny the truth of her words. He instead gave the Queen a cursory exam. It did not take long, and once completed he stepped back clearing his throat. “Given the symptoms described to me, as well as your youth and health prior to your marriage, I believe this to be the correct diagnosis. Of course time will give us more information. However, I can leave herbs meant to calm the stomach, and tonics that should strengthen the mother and child. If any new symptoms arise, please summon me right away.”
He gave a bow and handed the herbs with Eliana. Evidently he expected the same diagnosis, or he just happened to always have those herbs with him. When he left, Eliana frowned at her friend. “Do you need a hug or would you like to jump in celebration? I’m ready to do either, just say the word, Theodora.” Eliana reached forward and grabbed both of Theodora’s hands. “Just know two things. The first, the King will find his way home and to his child. The second I’ll be here no matter what. Even through the sleepless nights taking care of a newborn. And the spittle. And the hair pulling.”
Trust Eliana to cut right to the heart of the matter, Theodora cutting a sideways look to her retainer as her healer did much the same. She only said what the rest of them were thinking, the physician soon mirroring the other woman’s words with an air of officiality that only made her feel more nauseous. The Queen’s face paled slightly, but she nodded with a trembling smile, accepting the potions and tonics he offered with a murmured thanks.
“Before you go,” she stopped the man as he was about the leave, turning in the doorway to hear her speak. “I would ask that you keep this quiet for now. With… with everything that’s going on, I would prefer the chance to announce our little prince or princess on my own time. I… I don’t want to give anyone cause to worry, not any more that we already have.”
‘Of course, Your Majesty. I won’t say a word.’ Bowing, he left the two women to their own conversation, carefully closing the door behind him—though he did think it a bit strange the Queen wasn’t jumping for joy at the news. Perhaps it was as she said though; there was already so much else happening in the capital, and with her husband missing, there was sure to be much else on the monarch’s mind.
Looking over at Eliana, Theodora swallowed hard and offered another smile about as convincing as the last. “It’s good news, of course,” she said, her voice shaking even as she cleared her throat to try to still it. Taking her retainer’s hands, she squeezed them perhaps a bit too tightly. “I’m glad to have you, Eliana. Truly. More than you know.”
Standing, she paced idly through the room, her hand resting against the lower part of her stomach. She had not begun to show and probably wouldn’t for a couple weeks yet, so at least there was still time to work out when and how she would tell the rest of Court. She would need to speak to her parents, her sisters… Groaning, she ran her hand through her hair and stopped in front of Eliana.
“It’s not that I’m unhappy,” she explained, circling back to her first question of if she needed a hug or to jump for joy. “I am. It’s a joyous occasion, really. I just…” Her eyes sparkled for a moment with tears, swallowing the lump in her throat. How could she even begin to explain the tangle of emotions she felt in that moment? “I guess… I’m scared. It is one thing to have younger sisters, to watch my mother birth girl after girl, and yet another to do it myself. I… I wish Achilleas was here.”
But did she really? Would that make this any easier? Of course, part of her worry very much stemmed from the King’s disappearance and not knowing where the father of her child was. Would he be here for the birth? Would her child ever even know its father?
And therein lie the biggest problem. Was Achilleas the father?
It had been nearly two months since his departure. She had bled the month before, but very lightly, and it was yet another thing she had simply written off to worry. It was entirely possible this child was his, but it was also entirely possible it wasn’t. It had been maybe three weeks since she and Emilios had lain together again for the first time—plenty of time for this child to have been his, as well.
Would she ever even know for sure? The way the two brothers favored each other… she supposed she would have her answer with the timing of the baby’s arrival, but even then…
Gods, what a tangled web she had woven.
“I… it’s complicated, you know?” Worrying at her lower lip with her teeth, she looked at Eliana, and the way she spoke made it rather clear she was holding something back. “It’s just… I don’t… I don’t know.”
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Trust Eliana to cut right to the heart of the matter, Theodora cutting a sideways look to her retainer as her healer did much the same. She only said what the rest of them were thinking, the physician soon mirroring the other woman’s words with an air of officiality that only made her feel more nauseous. The Queen’s face paled slightly, but she nodded with a trembling smile, accepting the potions and tonics he offered with a murmured thanks.
“Before you go,” she stopped the man as he was about the leave, turning in the doorway to hear her speak. “I would ask that you keep this quiet for now. With… with everything that’s going on, I would prefer the chance to announce our little prince or princess on my own time. I… I don’t want to give anyone cause to worry, not any more that we already have.”
‘Of course, Your Majesty. I won’t say a word.’ Bowing, he left the two women to their own conversation, carefully closing the door behind him—though he did think it a bit strange the Queen wasn’t jumping for joy at the news. Perhaps it was as she said though; there was already so much else happening in the capital, and with her husband missing, there was sure to be much else on the monarch’s mind.
Looking over at Eliana, Theodora swallowed hard and offered another smile about as convincing as the last. “It’s good news, of course,” she said, her voice shaking even as she cleared her throat to try to still it. Taking her retainer’s hands, she squeezed them perhaps a bit too tightly. “I’m glad to have you, Eliana. Truly. More than you know.”
Standing, she paced idly through the room, her hand resting against the lower part of her stomach. She had not begun to show and probably wouldn’t for a couple weeks yet, so at least there was still time to work out when and how she would tell the rest of Court. She would need to speak to her parents, her sisters… Groaning, she ran her hand through her hair and stopped in front of Eliana.
“It’s not that I’m unhappy,” she explained, circling back to her first question of if she needed a hug or to jump for joy. “I am. It’s a joyous occasion, really. I just…” Her eyes sparkled for a moment with tears, swallowing the lump in her throat. How could she even begin to explain the tangle of emotions she felt in that moment? “I guess… I’m scared. It is one thing to have younger sisters, to watch my mother birth girl after girl, and yet another to do it myself. I… I wish Achilleas was here.”
But did she really? Would that make this any easier? Of course, part of her worry very much stemmed from the King’s disappearance and not knowing where the father of her child was. Would he be here for the birth? Would her child ever even know its father?
And therein lie the biggest problem. Was Achilleas the father?
It had been nearly two months since his departure. She had bled the month before, but very lightly, and it was yet another thing she had simply written off to worry. It was entirely possible this child was his, but it was also entirely possible it wasn’t. It had been maybe three weeks since she and Emilios had lain together again for the first time—plenty of time for this child to have been his, as well.
Would she ever even know for sure? The way the two brothers favored each other… she supposed she would have her answer with the timing of the baby’s arrival, but even then…
Gods, what a tangled web she had woven.
“I… it’s complicated, you know?” Worrying at her lower lip with her teeth, she looked at Eliana, and the way she spoke made it rather clear she was holding something back. “It’s just… I don’t… I don’t know.”
Trust Eliana to cut right to the heart of the matter, Theodora cutting a sideways look to her retainer as her healer did much the same. She only said what the rest of them were thinking, the physician soon mirroring the other woman’s words with an air of officiality that only made her feel more nauseous. The Queen’s face paled slightly, but she nodded with a trembling smile, accepting the potions and tonics he offered with a murmured thanks.
“Before you go,” she stopped the man as he was about the leave, turning in the doorway to hear her speak. “I would ask that you keep this quiet for now. With… with everything that’s going on, I would prefer the chance to announce our little prince or princess on my own time. I… I don’t want to give anyone cause to worry, not any more that we already have.”
‘Of course, Your Majesty. I won’t say a word.’ Bowing, he left the two women to their own conversation, carefully closing the door behind him—though he did think it a bit strange the Queen wasn’t jumping for joy at the news. Perhaps it was as she said though; there was already so much else happening in the capital, and with her husband missing, there was sure to be much else on the monarch’s mind.
Looking over at Eliana, Theodora swallowed hard and offered another smile about as convincing as the last. “It’s good news, of course,” she said, her voice shaking even as she cleared her throat to try to still it. Taking her retainer’s hands, she squeezed them perhaps a bit too tightly. “I’m glad to have you, Eliana. Truly. More than you know.”
Standing, she paced idly through the room, her hand resting against the lower part of her stomach. She had not begun to show and probably wouldn’t for a couple weeks yet, so at least there was still time to work out when and how she would tell the rest of Court. She would need to speak to her parents, her sisters… Groaning, she ran her hand through her hair and stopped in front of Eliana.
“It’s not that I’m unhappy,” she explained, circling back to her first question of if she needed a hug or to jump for joy. “I am. It’s a joyous occasion, really. I just…” Her eyes sparkled for a moment with tears, swallowing the lump in her throat. How could she even begin to explain the tangle of emotions she felt in that moment? “I guess… I’m scared. It is one thing to have younger sisters, to watch my mother birth girl after girl, and yet another to do it myself. I… I wish Achilleas was here.”
But did she really? Would that make this any easier? Of course, part of her worry very much stemmed from the King’s disappearance and not knowing where the father of her child was. Would he be here for the birth? Would her child ever even know its father?
And therein lie the biggest problem. Was Achilleas the father?
It had been nearly two months since his departure. She had bled the month before, but very lightly, and it was yet another thing she had simply written off to worry. It was entirely possible this child was his, but it was also entirely possible it wasn’t. It had been maybe three weeks since she and Emilios had lain together again for the first time—plenty of time for this child to have been his, as well.
Would she ever even know for sure? The way the two brothers favored each other… she supposed she would have her answer with the timing of the baby’s arrival, but even then…
Gods, what a tangled web she had woven.
“I… it’s complicated, you know?” Worrying at her lower lip with her teeth, she looked at Eliana, and the way she spoke made it rather clear she was holding something back. “It’s just… I don’t… I don’t know.”
It’s joyous news, Theodora said.
This is horrible, Theodora’s face said instead.
She looked at a Queen that had tears sparkling in her eyes. Those weren’t tears of joy. Eliana could not necessarily blame Theodora either. From the stories that Eliana heard, childbirth was akin to torture. The mother did not always survive. Eliana never witnessed childbirth herself, and while she was very well aware of the process of making a child, the actual… receiving of it was left to stories told by priestesses which were often vague and full of metaphors that made no sense unless you actually experienced it. So the thought of doing it alone would be absolutely terrifying.
But was it fear? Her eyes didn’t show fear. Or maybe they did? The feeling was too complex really for Eliana to understand. But the way the Queen was pacing seemed more… stressed. Which fair, she found out she was pregnant. That was fairly stressful.
The way her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, the too-tight squeeze, and the way that Theodora spoke as if there was something keeping her back- all raised alarms in Eliana’s mind. Eliana grew up in a family of gamblers. She learned to gamble practically as she learned to walk. This meant that Eliana was fairly good at reading faces. Not that… she really needed that skill. Theodora wasn’t doing her best to hide her feelings at all.
I… it’s complicated, you know? She had said. Eliana, meanwhile, went through the millions of advice and pep talks that she could give in the moment. ‘It’s okay to be happy, and it’s okay to miss him.’ Sweet words, but they didn’t seem right quite here. ‘He is alright, and so will you be. That child has the strongest parents the world has ever seen.’
So many nice words that anyone could tell her. So many nice words that Eliana was willing to tell her. And yet her gut told her that wasn’t what Theodora wanted- and Eliana always trusted her gut. The problem was what Theodora was holding back. It wasn’t her fear of Achilleas not being here- she clearly said that. It was something else. Her worry for him being dead maybe? Or maybe some other underlying problem?
Eliana was not the type to jump to conclusions. She hated gossip, she only dealt with facts. So instead of ambling around blindly giving Theodora advice, she might not have needed and letting her try to hide behind a secret and put on a face- Eliana thought it best to go right to the heart of things. “Is it? Is it complicated?” Eliana said as she motioned for the two of them to sit. Or at the very least for Theodora to sit down before she paced herself a moat. “Theodora… what are you holding back?” Eliana asked her softly. “What’s on your mind. You know you could tell me anything.” If Eliana was one thing… she was loyal. Whatever Theodora shared with her she wouldn’t share with anyone. That was her duty as not just her handmaiden... but as her best friend.
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It’s joyous news, Theodora said.
This is horrible, Theodora’s face said instead.
She looked at a Queen that had tears sparkling in her eyes. Those weren’t tears of joy. Eliana could not necessarily blame Theodora either. From the stories that Eliana heard, childbirth was akin to torture. The mother did not always survive. Eliana never witnessed childbirth herself, and while she was very well aware of the process of making a child, the actual… receiving of it was left to stories told by priestesses which were often vague and full of metaphors that made no sense unless you actually experienced it. So the thought of doing it alone would be absolutely terrifying.
But was it fear? Her eyes didn’t show fear. Or maybe they did? The feeling was too complex really for Eliana to understand. But the way the Queen was pacing seemed more… stressed. Which fair, she found out she was pregnant. That was fairly stressful.
The way her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, the too-tight squeeze, and the way that Theodora spoke as if there was something keeping her back- all raised alarms in Eliana’s mind. Eliana grew up in a family of gamblers. She learned to gamble practically as she learned to walk. This meant that Eliana was fairly good at reading faces. Not that… she really needed that skill. Theodora wasn’t doing her best to hide her feelings at all.
I… it’s complicated, you know? She had said. Eliana, meanwhile, went through the millions of advice and pep talks that she could give in the moment. ‘It’s okay to be happy, and it’s okay to miss him.’ Sweet words, but they didn’t seem right quite here. ‘He is alright, and so will you be. That child has the strongest parents the world has ever seen.’
So many nice words that anyone could tell her. So many nice words that Eliana was willing to tell her. And yet her gut told her that wasn’t what Theodora wanted- and Eliana always trusted her gut. The problem was what Theodora was holding back. It wasn’t her fear of Achilleas not being here- she clearly said that. It was something else. Her worry for him being dead maybe? Or maybe some other underlying problem?
Eliana was not the type to jump to conclusions. She hated gossip, she only dealt with facts. So instead of ambling around blindly giving Theodora advice, she might not have needed and letting her try to hide behind a secret and put on a face- Eliana thought it best to go right to the heart of things. “Is it? Is it complicated?” Eliana said as she motioned for the two of them to sit. Or at the very least for Theodora to sit down before she paced herself a moat. “Theodora… what are you holding back?” Eliana asked her softly. “What’s on your mind. You know you could tell me anything.” If Eliana was one thing… she was loyal. Whatever Theodora shared with her she wouldn’t share with anyone. That was her duty as not just her handmaiden... but as her best friend.
It’s joyous news, Theodora said.
This is horrible, Theodora’s face said instead.
She looked at a Queen that had tears sparkling in her eyes. Those weren’t tears of joy. Eliana could not necessarily blame Theodora either. From the stories that Eliana heard, childbirth was akin to torture. The mother did not always survive. Eliana never witnessed childbirth herself, and while she was very well aware of the process of making a child, the actual… receiving of it was left to stories told by priestesses which were often vague and full of metaphors that made no sense unless you actually experienced it. So the thought of doing it alone would be absolutely terrifying.
But was it fear? Her eyes didn’t show fear. Or maybe they did? The feeling was too complex really for Eliana to understand. But the way the Queen was pacing seemed more… stressed. Which fair, she found out she was pregnant. That was fairly stressful.
The way her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, the too-tight squeeze, and the way that Theodora spoke as if there was something keeping her back- all raised alarms in Eliana’s mind. Eliana grew up in a family of gamblers. She learned to gamble practically as she learned to walk. This meant that Eliana was fairly good at reading faces. Not that… she really needed that skill. Theodora wasn’t doing her best to hide her feelings at all.
I… it’s complicated, you know? She had said. Eliana, meanwhile, went through the millions of advice and pep talks that she could give in the moment. ‘It’s okay to be happy, and it’s okay to miss him.’ Sweet words, but they didn’t seem right quite here. ‘He is alright, and so will you be. That child has the strongest parents the world has ever seen.’
So many nice words that anyone could tell her. So many nice words that Eliana was willing to tell her. And yet her gut told her that wasn’t what Theodora wanted- and Eliana always trusted her gut. The problem was what Theodora was holding back. It wasn’t her fear of Achilleas not being here- she clearly said that. It was something else. Her worry for him being dead maybe? Or maybe some other underlying problem?
Eliana was not the type to jump to conclusions. She hated gossip, she only dealt with facts. So instead of ambling around blindly giving Theodora advice, she might not have needed and letting her try to hide behind a secret and put on a face- Eliana thought it best to go right to the heart of things. “Is it? Is it complicated?” Eliana said as she motioned for the two of them to sit. Or at the very least for Theodora to sit down before she paced herself a moat. “Theodora… what are you holding back?” Eliana asked her softly. “What’s on your mind. You know you could tell me anything.” If Eliana was one thing… she was loyal. Whatever Theodora shared with her she wouldn’t share with anyone. That was her duty as not just her handmaiden... but as her best friend.
It was obvious Eliana wasn’t going to let it drop; she knew Theodora far too well by now to do so. Something was clearly eating at the Queen, and Theo could only wish she had learned to develop a better Court face. In many circumstances, she could maintain that façade fairly easily, but this? She didn’t know how to deal with this.
Her retainer gestured for her to sit, and she did so, though she nervously wrung her hands in front of her as her gaze dropped to her lap. Could she really tell Eliana the truth? The whole truth? The woman had proven herself nothing but loyal over the years in her service, but this was no ordinary secret. This was a secret that could destroy her if held by the wrong hands. Not only her, but Emilios too. Of course, she didn’t think Eliana had the wrong hands, but was it really worth the risk, however minimal?
Then again, Eliana knew her better than anyone. She knew of the affair with Emilios before she wed Achilleas; she knew she was essentially forced into her marriage in the first place. Yet, she had never uttered a word of that knowledge to anyone else, at least not as far as Theo was aware. Why should now be any different? Chances were she would figure it out on her own eventually, anyway—the other woman was far too aware of her schedule and routine not to notice any changes.
“I…” she trailed off again and swallowed hard, shaking her head as she cleared her throat. If she didn’t tell her now, would she just find out later, and her anger be that much greater? She was under no illusion that Eliana would approve, even if she kept the secret safe. One of the things she normally loved about her was that she wasn’t afraid to be blunt and call others out when necessary, but at the moment, well… she could do without it. Gods knew she’d spent enough time berating herself without anyone else doing it for her.
Did she know what she was doing was wrong? Of course she did, or she wouldn’t be as stressed as she was now. She vowed herself to Achilleas, wayward heart or no, and the crowns that weighed so heavily on their heads only served to remind her of how lofty a vow that was. Not only was she cheating on her husband, she was cheating on the king. She knew that to do so was playing with fire.
But gods, Emilios… How had she ever thought she could keep herself away from him? There had been no closure between them, no real ending—the future they planned for snatched right from their hands. She could not help it that her soul cried out for his so strongly.
“Promise me,” she finally said, her gaze finally flicking up from her lap and back to Eliana’s. “Swear to me you will not say anything. To anyone. I need your word that what I’m about to tell you will never leave this room. Not unless it comes from my lips.”
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It was obvious Eliana wasn’t going to let it drop; she knew Theodora far too well by now to do so. Something was clearly eating at the Queen, and Theo could only wish she had learned to develop a better Court face. In many circumstances, she could maintain that façade fairly easily, but this? She didn’t know how to deal with this.
Her retainer gestured for her to sit, and she did so, though she nervously wrung her hands in front of her as her gaze dropped to her lap. Could she really tell Eliana the truth? The whole truth? The woman had proven herself nothing but loyal over the years in her service, but this was no ordinary secret. This was a secret that could destroy her if held by the wrong hands. Not only her, but Emilios too. Of course, she didn’t think Eliana had the wrong hands, but was it really worth the risk, however minimal?
Then again, Eliana knew her better than anyone. She knew of the affair with Emilios before she wed Achilleas; she knew she was essentially forced into her marriage in the first place. Yet, she had never uttered a word of that knowledge to anyone else, at least not as far as Theo was aware. Why should now be any different? Chances were she would figure it out on her own eventually, anyway—the other woman was far too aware of her schedule and routine not to notice any changes.
“I…” she trailed off again and swallowed hard, shaking her head as she cleared her throat. If she didn’t tell her now, would she just find out later, and her anger be that much greater? She was under no illusion that Eliana would approve, even if she kept the secret safe. One of the things she normally loved about her was that she wasn’t afraid to be blunt and call others out when necessary, but at the moment, well… she could do without it. Gods knew she’d spent enough time berating herself without anyone else doing it for her.
Did she know what she was doing was wrong? Of course she did, or she wouldn’t be as stressed as she was now. She vowed herself to Achilleas, wayward heart or no, and the crowns that weighed so heavily on their heads only served to remind her of how lofty a vow that was. Not only was she cheating on her husband, she was cheating on the king. She knew that to do so was playing with fire.
But gods, Emilios… How had she ever thought she could keep herself away from him? There had been no closure between them, no real ending—the future they planned for snatched right from their hands. She could not help it that her soul cried out for his so strongly.
“Promise me,” she finally said, her gaze finally flicking up from her lap and back to Eliana’s. “Swear to me you will not say anything. To anyone. I need your word that what I’m about to tell you will never leave this room. Not unless it comes from my lips.”
It was obvious Eliana wasn’t going to let it drop; she knew Theodora far too well by now to do so. Something was clearly eating at the Queen, and Theo could only wish she had learned to develop a better Court face. In many circumstances, she could maintain that façade fairly easily, but this? She didn’t know how to deal with this.
Her retainer gestured for her to sit, and she did so, though she nervously wrung her hands in front of her as her gaze dropped to her lap. Could she really tell Eliana the truth? The whole truth? The woman had proven herself nothing but loyal over the years in her service, but this was no ordinary secret. This was a secret that could destroy her if held by the wrong hands. Not only her, but Emilios too. Of course, she didn’t think Eliana had the wrong hands, but was it really worth the risk, however minimal?
Then again, Eliana knew her better than anyone. She knew of the affair with Emilios before she wed Achilleas; she knew she was essentially forced into her marriage in the first place. Yet, she had never uttered a word of that knowledge to anyone else, at least not as far as Theo was aware. Why should now be any different? Chances were she would figure it out on her own eventually, anyway—the other woman was far too aware of her schedule and routine not to notice any changes.
“I…” she trailed off again and swallowed hard, shaking her head as she cleared her throat. If she didn’t tell her now, would she just find out later, and her anger be that much greater? She was under no illusion that Eliana would approve, even if she kept the secret safe. One of the things she normally loved about her was that she wasn’t afraid to be blunt and call others out when necessary, but at the moment, well… she could do without it. Gods knew she’d spent enough time berating herself without anyone else doing it for her.
Did she know what she was doing was wrong? Of course she did, or she wouldn’t be as stressed as she was now. She vowed herself to Achilleas, wayward heart or no, and the crowns that weighed so heavily on their heads only served to remind her of how lofty a vow that was. Not only was she cheating on her husband, she was cheating on the king. She knew that to do so was playing with fire.
But gods, Emilios… How had she ever thought she could keep herself away from him? There had been no closure between them, no real ending—the future they planned for snatched right from their hands. She could not help it that her soul cried out for his so strongly.
“Promise me,” she finally said, her gaze finally flicking up from her lap and back to Eliana’s. “Swear to me you will not say anything. To anyone. I need your word that what I’m about to tell you will never leave this room. Not unless it comes from my lips.”
It was unusual for Eliana to see Theodora so shaken. She was typically a bright and strong personality. And yet she was holding something back. Holding something back from Eliana even, which surprised her most of all. Eliana… couldn’t say she didn’t have secrets. She did, big secrets, that she wouldn’t dare tell Theodora. Secrets about her father, for instance. She couldn’t tell her where her money came from.
But Theodora having secrets was a completely different story. She thought she trusted Eliana with everything. And honestly, the things that a handmaiden has seen would… well, Eliana had proved herself to be very trustworthy indeed. Besides Theodora rarely had a moment of privacy. If she did something, the gaggle of women that followed her knew instantly. It was the unfortunate part of being someone so powerful, and not something Eliana envied for a second. How on earth could Theodora hide something from her?
And the way she spoke made Eliana hesitate. Eliana hated rumors. So often they were wrong. But how could her mind not think the worse? Did she know about this pregnancy and hide it from Achilleas? How would that make sense? Was she pregnant before and suffered a miscarriage? But when? Eliana would know that if it happened in the past. There was no way it wouldn’t at least be rumored. Did Theodora cheat on Achilleas? No, no she wouldn’t do that. That was foolish, for one. He was the King and she was his wife. But second, Achilleas was a good man. There would be no reason to cheat on him, none whatsoever.
Was she raped? That would be a horrible thing. But Eliana had met women before who had been raped. It brings such shame upon them. Even a Queen would feel awful, she might even feel like it was her fault. Gods, if this was true, Eliana was about to really become her father’s daughter and get her hands bloody. She’d stop at nothing until the man’s appendage was lost and he was forced to parade around the square branded as a rapist, humiliated like he humiliated the poor woman before her. Just the mere thought made Eliana see red.
She can’t let herself get too far ahead. Whatever it was, Theodora could trust her to keep the secret. She could trust her with her life. . “You know I would keep any secret you tell me, Theodora.” Eliana said quietly and sincerely. “What has you like this? What can I do to help?”
Eliana was a loyal girl, as loyal as they come. But there were very few people she’d truly lay her life down for. Eliana would not even take the moment to think, not even a second, before falling upon a blade so Theodora didn’t have to. After these years of friendship, very little could ever sway Eliana from her undying loyalty. Well, aside from murder. Then again if it was murder of that rapist… even that could be forgiven.
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It was unusual for Eliana to see Theodora so shaken. She was typically a bright and strong personality. And yet she was holding something back. Holding something back from Eliana even, which surprised her most of all. Eliana… couldn’t say she didn’t have secrets. She did, big secrets, that she wouldn’t dare tell Theodora. Secrets about her father, for instance. She couldn’t tell her where her money came from.
But Theodora having secrets was a completely different story. She thought she trusted Eliana with everything. And honestly, the things that a handmaiden has seen would… well, Eliana had proved herself to be very trustworthy indeed. Besides Theodora rarely had a moment of privacy. If she did something, the gaggle of women that followed her knew instantly. It was the unfortunate part of being someone so powerful, and not something Eliana envied for a second. How on earth could Theodora hide something from her?
And the way she spoke made Eliana hesitate. Eliana hated rumors. So often they were wrong. But how could her mind not think the worse? Did she know about this pregnancy and hide it from Achilleas? How would that make sense? Was she pregnant before and suffered a miscarriage? But when? Eliana would know that if it happened in the past. There was no way it wouldn’t at least be rumored. Did Theodora cheat on Achilleas? No, no she wouldn’t do that. That was foolish, for one. He was the King and she was his wife. But second, Achilleas was a good man. There would be no reason to cheat on him, none whatsoever.
Was she raped? That would be a horrible thing. But Eliana had met women before who had been raped. It brings such shame upon them. Even a Queen would feel awful, she might even feel like it was her fault. Gods, if this was true, Eliana was about to really become her father’s daughter and get her hands bloody. She’d stop at nothing until the man’s appendage was lost and he was forced to parade around the square branded as a rapist, humiliated like he humiliated the poor woman before her. Just the mere thought made Eliana see red.
She can’t let herself get too far ahead. Whatever it was, Theodora could trust her to keep the secret. She could trust her with her life. . “You know I would keep any secret you tell me, Theodora.” Eliana said quietly and sincerely. “What has you like this? What can I do to help?”
Eliana was a loyal girl, as loyal as they come. But there were very few people she’d truly lay her life down for. Eliana would not even take the moment to think, not even a second, before falling upon a blade so Theodora didn’t have to. After these years of friendship, very little could ever sway Eliana from her undying loyalty. Well, aside from murder. Then again if it was murder of that rapist… even that could be forgiven.
It was unusual for Eliana to see Theodora so shaken. She was typically a bright and strong personality. And yet she was holding something back. Holding something back from Eliana even, which surprised her most of all. Eliana… couldn’t say she didn’t have secrets. She did, big secrets, that she wouldn’t dare tell Theodora. Secrets about her father, for instance. She couldn’t tell her where her money came from.
But Theodora having secrets was a completely different story. She thought she trusted Eliana with everything. And honestly, the things that a handmaiden has seen would… well, Eliana had proved herself to be very trustworthy indeed. Besides Theodora rarely had a moment of privacy. If she did something, the gaggle of women that followed her knew instantly. It was the unfortunate part of being someone so powerful, and not something Eliana envied for a second. How on earth could Theodora hide something from her?
And the way she spoke made Eliana hesitate. Eliana hated rumors. So often they were wrong. But how could her mind not think the worse? Did she know about this pregnancy and hide it from Achilleas? How would that make sense? Was she pregnant before and suffered a miscarriage? But when? Eliana would know that if it happened in the past. There was no way it wouldn’t at least be rumored. Did Theodora cheat on Achilleas? No, no she wouldn’t do that. That was foolish, for one. He was the King and she was his wife. But second, Achilleas was a good man. There would be no reason to cheat on him, none whatsoever.
Was she raped? That would be a horrible thing. But Eliana had met women before who had been raped. It brings such shame upon them. Even a Queen would feel awful, she might even feel like it was her fault. Gods, if this was true, Eliana was about to really become her father’s daughter and get her hands bloody. She’d stop at nothing until the man’s appendage was lost and he was forced to parade around the square branded as a rapist, humiliated like he humiliated the poor woman before her. Just the mere thought made Eliana see red.
She can’t let herself get too far ahead. Whatever it was, Theodora could trust her to keep the secret. She could trust her with her life. . “You know I would keep any secret you tell me, Theodora.” Eliana said quietly and sincerely. “What has you like this? What can I do to help?”
Eliana was a loyal girl, as loyal as they come. But there were very few people she’d truly lay her life down for. Eliana would not even take the moment to think, not even a second, before falling upon a blade so Theodora didn’t have to. After these years of friendship, very little could ever sway Eliana from her undying loyalty. Well, aside from murder. Then again if it was murder of that rapist… even that could be forgiven.
Theodora bit her lip as she searched Eliana’s face, the tone of her voice when she spoke conveying the truth of her words. She could trust her. She might not like what she had to say, but she could trust her.
Her elbows rested in her lap and head fell into her hands. “I messed up, Eliana,” she mumbled, voice muffled by her hands. “I messed up really bad.”
If that wasn’t the understatement of the year. She’d made a colossal mistake, and it was a mistake she kept making. Even as she knew she was wrong, why was it that she couldn’t seem to stop? Every time she resolved that she would, bright blue eyes reminded her of what she was missing, and she’d find herself in the same place all over again. In his bed, his hands on her, as she moaned his name like a prayer to the gods above.
She was shaking with nerves as she looked up from her hands, looking as if she might bolt at any moment. “The reason I’m… I’m like this because… I just…”
Clenching her fists and swallowing hard, she stomped her foot down and forced herself to take a deep breath. She was a grown woman and a Queen at that; blubbering and stuttering over her missteps would not change them. Hadn’t she spent enough time doing that very thing? Over the mistakes she’d made with both of the men in her life?
“I don’t know if this child belongs to Achilleas.”
There. She said it. The words were out in the air, and they couldn’t be taken back now. She couldn’t tell if she was relieved or that much more terrified as a result, but at least it wasn’t sitting there like a stone in her stomach any more.
She dropped her gaze again, unwilling to see what might rest on her friend’s face. Gods knew she could picture it well enough, and it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve it. How many times had she gazed at her own face in the mirror and looked away in shame? Particularly after that incident with the peafowl at Evie’s wedding…
“I… I think it does,” she went on, though she didn’t sound at all sure. She supposed she’d have her answer with the timing of the child’s arrival, but until then… “My courses last month were very light, and I’ve been feeling… off for a while now. But… gods, Eliana do I even need to say it? If it’s not Achilleas’s, you must know the only other man’s it would be.” Shaking her head, she covered her face again, another shuddering breath leaving her. “I swore I wasn’t going to do anything, I swore I was going to be loyal to Achilleas… and I… I did, I was… for a while. But then, about a month ago, I…”
Daring a glance up, Theo went on, “I found something in the King’s study that led me to think he might be disloyal. I was angry, I went to Emilios, and well…”
There was a bit more to it than that, leaving off the bit about the lean-to, the kiss shared only days before, the constant tension whenever they were in each other’s presence. How could she even begin to explain everything without looking every bit the villain? Gods knew she felt like she was.
“I seem to keep making poor decision after poor decision, Eliana. I should have told Achilleas from the beginning, should have defied my father and my uncle, and I wouldn’t be here now. Contemplating which brother it is I truly betrayed in the first place.”
Tears were pricking at her eyes, blinking rapidly to dispel them. “I didn’t think I would come to care for Achilleas, but I did. And now knowing that he’s missing, maybe even dead… I… but Emilios…”
Her shoulders fell, raking a nervous hand through her hair. “I don’t know what to do.”
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Theodora bit her lip as she searched Eliana’s face, the tone of her voice when she spoke conveying the truth of her words. She could trust her. She might not like what she had to say, but she could trust her.
Her elbows rested in her lap and head fell into her hands. “I messed up, Eliana,” she mumbled, voice muffled by her hands. “I messed up really bad.”
If that wasn’t the understatement of the year. She’d made a colossal mistake, and it was a mistake she kept making. Even as she knew she was wrong, why was it that she couldn’t seem to stop? Every time she resolved that she would, bright blue eyes reminded her of what she was missing, and she’d find herself in the same place all over again. In his bed, his hands on her, as she moaned his name like a prayer to the gods above.
She was shaking with nerves as she looked up from her hands, looking as if she might bolt at any moment. “The reason I’m… I’m like this because… I just…”
Clenching her fists and swallowing hard, she stomped her foot down and forced herself to take a deep breath. She was a grown woman and a Queen at that; blubbering and stuttering over her missteps would not change them. Hadn’t she spent enough time doing that very thing? Over the mistakes she’d made with both of the men in her life?
“I don’t know if this child belongs to Achilleas.”
There. She said it. The words were out in the air, and they couldn’t be taken back now. She couldn’t tell if she was relieved or that much more terrified as a result, but at least it wasn’t sitting there like a stone in her stomach any more.
She dropped her gaze again, unwilling to see what might rest on her friend’s face. Gods knew she could picture it well enough, and it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve it. How many times had she gazed at her own face in the mirror and looked away in shame? Particularly after that incident with the peafowl at Evie’s wedding…
“I… I think it does,” she went on, though she didn’t sound at all sure. She supposed she’d have her answer with the timing of the child’s arrival, but until then… “My courses last month were very light, and I’ve been feeling… off for a while now. But… gods, Eliana do I even need to say it? If it’s not Achilleas’s, you must know the only other man’s it would be.” Shaking her head, she covered her face again, another shuddering breath leaving her. “I swore I wasn’t going to do anything, I swore I was going to be loyal to Achilleas… and I… I did, I was… for a while. But then, about a month ago, I…”
Daring a glance up, Theo went on, “I found something in the King’s study that led me to think he might be disloyal. I was angry, I went to Emilios, and well…”
There was a bit more to it than that, leaving off the bit about the lean-to, the kiss shared only days before, the constant tension whenever they were in each other’s presence. How could she even begin to explain everything without looking every bit the villain? Gods knew she felt like she was.
“I seem to keep making poor decision after poor decision, Eliana. I should have told Achilleas from the beginning, should have defied my father and my uncle, and I wouldn’t be here now. Contemplating which brother it is I truly betrayed in the first place.”
Tears were pricking at her eyes, blinking rapidly to dispel them. “I didn’t think I would come to care for Achilleas, but I did. And now knowing that he’s missing, maybe even dead… I… but Emilios…”
Her shoulders fell, raking a nervous hand through her hair. “I don’t know what to do.”
Theodora bit her lip as she searched Eliana’s face, the tone of her voice when she spoke conveying the truth of her words. She could trust her. She might not like what she had to say, but she could trust her.
Her elbows rested in her lap and head fell into her hands. “I messed up, Eliana,” she mumbled, voice muffled by her hands. “I messed up really bad.”
If that wasn’t the understatement of the year. She’d made a colossal mistake, and it was a mistake she kept making. Even as she knew she was wrong, why was it that she couldn’t seem to stop? Every time she resolved that she would, bright blue eyes reminded her of what she was missing, and she’d find herself in the same place all over again. In his bed, his hands on her, as she moaned his name like a prayer to the gods above.
She was shaking with nerves as she looked up from her hands, looking as if she might bolt at any moment. “The reason I’m… I’m like this because… I just…”
Clenching her fists and swallowing hard, she stomped her foot down and forced herself to take a deep breath. She was a grown woman and a Queen at that; blubbering and stuttering over her missteps would not change them. Hadn’t she spent enough time doing that very thing? Over the mistakes she’d made with both of the men in her life?
“I don’t know if this child belongs to Achilleas.”
There. She said it. The words were out in the air, and they couldn’t be taken back now. She couldn’t tell if she was relieved or that much more terrified as a result, but at least it wasn’t sitting there like a stone in her stomach any more.
She dropped her gaze again, unwilling to see what might rest on her friend’s face. Gods knew she could picture it well enough, and it wasn’t like she didn’t deserve it. How many times had she gazed at her own face in the mirror and looked away in shame? Particularly after that incident with the peafowl at Evie’s wedding…
“I… I think it does,” she went on, though she didn’t sound at all sure. She supposed she’d have her answer with the timing of the child’s arrival, but until then… “My courses last month were very light, and I’ve been feeling… off for a while now. But… gods, Eliana do I even need to say it? If it’s not Achilleas’s, you must know the only other man’s it would be.” Shaking her head, she covered her face again, another shuddering breath leaving her. “I swore I wasn’t going to do anything, I swore I was going to be loyal to Achilleas… and I… I did, I was… for a while. But then, about a month ago, I…”
Daring a glance up, Theo went on, “I found something in the King’s study that led me to think he might be disloyal. I was angry, I went to Emilios, and well…”
There was a bit more to it than that, leaving off the bit about the lean-to, the kiss shared only days before, the constant tension whenever they were in each other’s presence. How could she even begin to explain everything without looking every bit the villain? Gods knew she felt like she was.
“I seem to keep making poor decision after poor decision, Eliana. I should have told Achilleas from the beginning, should have defied my father and my uncle, and I wouldn’t be here now. Contemplating which brother it is I truly betrayed in the first place.”
Tears were pricking at her eyes, blinking rapidly to dispel them. “I didn’t think I would come to care for Achilleas, but I did. And now knowing that he’s missing, maybe even dead… I… but Emilios…”
Her shoulders fell, raking a nervous hand through her hair. “I don’t know what to do.”
Have you ever had a moment where you heard someone, really heard someone, and yet it seems they were speaking another language? Theodora was talking to Eliana. Her words were Greek. Her vocabulary was simple, and she didn’t use any confusing vernacular. And yet Eliana could not understand a single thing she was saying.
Because it seemed like she was saying she was cheating on King Achilleas. That had to be wrong.
It was like a wall went up in Eliana’s brain. It tried so hard to keep the words from puncturing. But Theodora kept pounding against that wall, breaking through before she suddenly burst at an incredible speed, and in flooded her true meaning… her true deviance.
Now, there was many things to think about here. First, how dare she. There were very few people that Eliana thought was truly good. Achilleas was by far one of them. Never had he been impolite to Eliana. Never had he done a single bad thing. She didn’t even think it was possible of him- and she was the type to always assume the worst. He was charming in his… dorkiness. He was thoughtful. And most of all… he was kind. So why would she do something so awful? Why would she hurt him? Because… this would only lead to a man in pain- even if Eliana didn’t say anything. There was no hiding this.
Second, people may find Emilios charming, but never was Eliana one of them. She never understood why Theodora liked him. She never understood why anyone liked him, really. People called him charming. People called him handsome. To Eliana, Prince Emilios had the personality of a brick wall.
And third, beyond Achilleas maybe or maybe not being a bad person (And Eliana truly believed he was good- that he was loyal), they were married. It didn’t matter what she should have done prior to it, talking to Achilleas, defy her father, any of it. What matters was they were married and that… was it. And Theodora was fortunate. He was an amazing man. Eliana… burned with jealousy over it. Eliana would never be that fortunate. She was running out of time finding her own man, and soon she’d have to be married to whoever her father chose. The man who found beating people with curtain rods to be perfectly acceptable would dictate Eliana’s future, her love. Theodora, meanwhile, had someone that was kind, a man Eliana would give anything to be able to call her own, and she just… threw it away.
It just made no sense.
But Eliana was at a loss. She wanted to scream at Theodora for her idiocy. She wanted to yell at her for being so irresponsible. What if this child wasn’t Achilleas’s? What if that child grew up knowing of their mother’s affair. What if the child never knew who their true father was? Or Achilleas ignored the child, thinking it’s Emilios’s. And what if people outside the palace learn of this tryst? What then?
And yet… Eliana was her best friend. She wouldn’t just abandon Theodora. Even if she cared for the King, she couldn’t just… push Theodora away. She knew she was hurting. And it hurt Eliana knowing that her best friend was in pain. In so many ways Theodora was like her sister. She was family. And one thing Eliana knew for certain was that you cannot forsake family.
“First thing is first,” Eliana finally spoke. Her voice was tight. She felt emotion even if she couldn’t pinpoint which one exactly. “You are going to the Temple of @hera . I’ll go with you. The biggest sacrifice you can find, you’ll offer it to her. Because you made a terrible mistake. No matter the reason. I’ll pray for you too. But you need to repent in the eyes of the Goddess before you can even think about… fixing everything else.”
“Second… stop it. Stop seeing the Prince. Don’t give him letters. Don’t sneak off to gods know where. Don’t… don’t do anything you shouldn’t. Just stop it. I know it hurts. I know you love him. But you’re married now. And.. and I don’t know what you found. But are you even sure it was true? Did you see him do anything with your own eyes? And even if he did… it doesn’t make things better, Theodora. If I’ve been robbed, does it suddenly make it okay to start stealing as well? No… no it just leaves everyone hurt. Everyone is worse off.”
Eliana didn’t want to lecture Theodora. She didn’t want to pour salt on the wound. But… but she had to say what she thought. She had to be honest. Even if it hurt to hear.
“I won’t tell him.” She said quietly. “But you need to stop. Even if it’s not for Achilleas, even if it’s not for the Gods… you are the Queen in the time of war. Cheating on the King? This is the time for Taengeans to be united. But if the Queen can’t be loyal to the King… because of the Prince… then who are the people to look up to? They’ve already lost enough kings in the past few months alone. What people need right now is to come together. They’ve already been hurt so much.”
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Have you ever had a moment where you heard someone, really heard someone, and yet it seems they were speaking another language? Theodora was talking to Eliana. Her words were Greek. Her vocabulary was simple, and she didn’t use any confusing vernacular. And yet Eliana could not understand a single thing she was saying.
Because it seemed like she was saying she was cheating on King Achilleas. That had to be wrong.
It was like a wall went up in Eliana’s brain. It tried so hard to keep the words from puncturing. But Theodora kept pounding against that wall, breaking through before she suddenly burst at an incredible speed, and in flooded her true meaning… her true deviance.
Now, there was many things to think about here. First, how dare she. There were very few people that Eliana thought was truly good. Achilleas was by far one of them. Never had he been impolite to Eliana. Never had he done a single bad thing. She didn’t even think it was possible of him- and she was the type to always assume the worst. He was charming in his… dorkiness. He was thoughtful. And most of all… he was kind. So why would she do something so awful? Why would she hurt him? Because… this would only lead to a man in pain- even if Eliana didn’t say anything. There was no hiding this.
Second, people may find Emilios charming, but never was Eliana one of them. She never understood why Theodora liked him. She never understood why anyone liked him, really. People called him charming. People called him handsome. To Eliana, Prince Emilios had the personality of a brick wall.
And third, beyond Achilleas maybe or maybe not being a bad person (And Eliana truly believed he was good- that he was loyal), they were married. It didn’t matter what she should have done prior to it, talking to Achilleas, defy her father, any of it. What matters was they were married and that… was it. And Theodora was fortunate. He was an amazing man. Eliana… burned with jealousy over it. Eliana would never be that fortunate. She was running out of time finding her own man, and soon she’d have to be married to whoever her father chose. The man who found beating people with curtain rods to be perfectly acceptable would dictate Eliana’s future, her love. Theodora, meanwhile, had someone that was kind, a man Eliana would give anything to be able to call her own, and she just… threw it away.
It just made no sense.
But Eliana was at a loss. She wanted to scream at Theodora for her idiocy. She wanted to yell at her for being so irresponsible. What if this child wasn’t Achilleas’s? What if that child grew up knowing of their mother’s affair. What if the child never knew who their true father was? Or Achilleas ignored the child, thinking it’s Emilios’s. And what if people outside the palace learn of this tryst? What then?
And yet… Eliana was her best friend. She wouldn’t just abandon Theodora. Even if she cared for the King, she couldn’t just… push Theodora away. She knew she was hurting. And it hurt Eliana knowing that her best friend was in pain. In so many ways Theodora was like her sister. She was family. And one thing Eliana knew for certain was that you cannot forsake family.
“First thing is first,” Eliana finally spoke. Her voice was tight. She felt emotion even if she couldn’t pinpoint which one exactly. “You are going to the Temple of @hera . I’ll go with you. The biggest sacrifice you can find, you’ll offer it to her. Because you made a terrible mistake. No matter the reason. I’ll pray for you too. But you need to repent in the eyes of the Goddess before you can even think about… fixing everything else.”
“Second… stop it. Stop seeing the Prince. Don’t give him letters. Don’t sneak off to gods know where. Don’t… don’t do anything you shouldn’t. Just stop it. I know it hurts. I know you love him. But you’re married now. And.. and I don’t know what you found. But are you even sure it was true? Did you see him do anything with your own eyes? And even if he did… it doesn’t make things better, Theodora. If I’ve been robbed, does it suddenly make it okay to start stealing as well? No… no it just leaves everyone hurt. Everyone is worse off.”
Eliana didn’t want to lecture Theodora. She didn’t want to pour salt on the wound. But… but she had to say what she thought. She had to be honest. Even if it hurt to hear.
“I won’t tell him.” She said quietly. “But you need to stop. Even if it’s not for Achilleas, even if it’s not for the Gods… you are the Queen in the time of war. Cheating on the King? This is the time for Taengeans to be united. But if the Queen can’t be loyal to the King… because of the Prince… then who are the people to look up to? They’ve already lost enough kings in the past few months alone. What people need right now is to come together. They’ve already been hurt so much.”
Have you ever had a moment where you heard someone, really heard someone, and yet it seems they were speaking another language? Theodora was talking to Eliana. Her words were Greek. Her vocabulary was simple, and she didn’t use any confusing vernacular. And yet Eliana could not understand a single thing she was saying.
Because it seemed like she was saying she was cheating on King Achilleas. That had to be wrong.
It was like a wall went up in Eliana’s brain. It tried so hard to keep the words from puncturing. But Theodora kept pounding against that wall, breaking through before she suddenly burst at an incredible speed, and in flooded her true meaning… her true deviance.
Now, there was many things to think about here. First, how dare she. There were very few people that Eliana thought was truly good. Achilleas was by far one of them. Never had he been impolite to Eliana. Never had he done a single bad thing. She didn’t even think it was possible of him- and she was the type to always assume the worst. He was charming in his… dorkiness. He was thoughtful. And most of all… he was kind. So why would she do something so awful? Why would she hurt him? Because… this would only lead to a man in pain- even if Eliana didn’t say anything. There was no hiding this.
Second, people may find Emilios charming, but never was Eliana one of them. She never understood why Theodora liked him. She never understood why anyone liked him, really. People called him charming. People called him handsome. To Eliana, Prince Emilios had the personality of a brick wall.
And third, beyond Achilleas maybe or maybe not being a bad person (And Eliana truly believed he was good- that he was loyal), they were married. It didn’t matter what she should have done prior to it, talking to Achilleas, defy her father, any of it. What matters was they were married and that… was it. And Theodora was fortunate. He was an amazing man. Eliana… burned with jealousy over it. Eliana would never be that fortunate. She was running out of time finding her own man, and soon she’d have to be married to whoever her father chose. The man who found beating people with curtain rods to be perfectly acceptable would dictate Eliana’s future, her love. Theodora, meanwhile, had someone that was kind, a man Eliana would give anything to be able to call her own, and she just… threw it away.
It just made no sense.
But Eliana was at a loss. She wanted to scream at Theodora for her idiocy. She wanted to yell at her for being so irresponsible. What if this child wasn’t Achilleas’s? What if that child grew up knowing of their mother’s affair. What if the child never knew who their true father was? Or Achilleas ignored the child, thinking it’s Emilios’s. And what if people outside the palace learn of this tryst? What then?
And yet… Eliana was her best friend. She wouldn’t just abandon Theodora. Even if she cared for the King, she couldn’t just… push Theodora away. She knew she was hurting. And it hurt Eliana knowing that her best friend was in pain. In so many ways Theodora was like her sister. She was family. And one thing Eliana knew for certain was that you cannot forsake family.
“First thing is first,” Eliana finally spoke. Her voice was tight. She felt emotion even if she couldn’t pinpoint which one exactly. “You are going to the Temple of @hera . I’ll go with you. The biggest sacrifice you can find, you’ll offer it to her. Because you made a terrible mistake. No matter the reason. I’ll pray for you too. But you need to repent in the eyes of the Goddess before you can even think about… fixing everything else.”
“Second… stop it. Stop seeing the Prince. Don’t give him letters. Don’t sneak off to gods know where. Don’t… don’t do anything you shouldn’t. Just stop it. I know it hurts. I know you love him. But you’re married now. And.. and I don’t know what you found. But are you even sure it was true? Did you see him do anything with your own eyes? And even if he did… it doesn’t make things better, Theodora. If I’ve been robbed, does it suddenly make it okay to start stealing as well? No… no it just leaves everyone hurt. Everyone is worse off.”
Eliana didn’t want to lecture Theodora. She didn’t want to pour salt on the wound. But… but she had to say what she thought. She had to be honest. Even if it hurt to hear.
“I won’t tell him.” She said quietly. “But you need to stop. Even if it’s not for Achilleas, even if it’s not for the Gods… you are the Queen in the time of war. Cheating on the King? This is the time for Taengeans to be united. But if the Queen can’t be loyal to the King… because of the Prince… then who are the people to look up to? They’ve already lost enough kings in the past few months alone. What people need right now is to come together. They’ve already been hurt so much.”
“You think I don’t know all of that, Eliana? You think I have not said these things to myself, again and again?” Theodora growled as she stood up and walked away from her, clenching her fists and crossing her arms to hide her hands’ shaking. It wasn’t any more than what she’d expected, but Theodora could still feel a bubble of anger forming in her stomach that her retainer should think to lecture her on what was right and wrong, on the fact that Taengea needed unity now more than ever. She knew this was bigger than her. She knew what choices she shouldn’t have made. But she didn’t need her face rubbed in them.
She stood at the window and stared out at the tiny shapes moving below, envying them their blissful ignorance. While she had relished her life spent in the upper echelons of society, uncaring of the duty she would one day have to fulfill in marrying well, she wished she could be among them now—poorer and dirtier, maybe, but she liked to think life would be simpler. At least then she wouldn’t be carrying a child of unknown parentage who could one day take the very throne of Taengea.
“I never wanted any of this, you know,” she said to the window, unwilling to look back at Eliana, lest she lash out further. “You know just as well as I do that it was quite literally forced on me, and yet now you look at me as if I have grown two heads for the crime of laying with the only man I’ve ever loved.”
Had it been Achilleas in her position, bedding one of her sisters, there would have been scandal, yes, but many would not have blinked twice. It was often accepted, sometimes even expected, that a man would take more than his wife to his bed, and yet if the truth came about her, she would be reviled, thrown to the wolves as if she’d committed murder. After all, had Achilleas’s own father not publicly favored his mistress over his wife? He and Meena were whispered about, yes, but he did not suffer for it. Not in the way she would if she was found out.
“I know you don’t like Emilios. I don’t know why, but I know that much. But you don’t know him the way I do, Eliana. If you did, you wouldn’t be looking at me the way you are now.”
She fought to steady her breath, to calm her nerves so she could speak and think more rationally, rather than just throwing her from the room as she wanted to. She tried not to abuse her authority in ways like that, particularly not with her friends, but she already felt bad enough. Yes, she knew what she was doing would hurt Achilleas if he found out. She also knew how much she had hurt Emilios when she agreed to marry his brother. Yet… did no one think of how much she was hurting? Of how hard this was, to be stuck in such a position of authority that she had never asked for in the first place? To be forced to be there? Eliana said ‘I know it hurts,’ but did she really?
However, she also knew the other woman was right, even if she hated to hear her own inner berating take outer form. It was okay if she scolded herself. To have her handmaiden do it made her feel like a child sneaking sweets before dinner, no matter that she needed to hear it from lips other than her own.
“The temple is not a bad idea,” Theodora finally admitted in a begrudging mumble once she was sure her voice would not betray the tears that still wanted to fall. “Perhaps later in the week.”
Biting her lip, she mustered the courage to turn around and face Eliana again, her thumbnail replacing her lip as she worried at it with her teeth. “Should I… tell Emilios? About the babe?” She didn’t know why she was asking for advice, not after all that, but who else could she really turn to? This wasn’t exactly a situation where she could just speak to one of crown’s advisors. “Or would that just… make everything worse?”
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“You think I don’t know all of that, Eliana? You think I have not said these things to myself, again and again?” Theodora growled as she stood up and walked away from her, clenching her fists and crossing her arms to hide her hands’ shaking. It wasn’t any more than what she’d expected, but Theodora could still feel a bubble of anger forming in her stomach that her retainer should think to lecture her on what was right and wrong, on the fact that Taengea needed unity now more than ever. She knew this was bigger than her. She knew what choices she shouldn’t have made. But she didn’t need her face rubbed in them.
She stood at the window and stared out at the tiny shapes moving below, envying them their blissful ignorance. While she had relished her life spent in the upper echelons of society, uncaring of the duty she would one day have to fulfill in marrying well, she wished she could be among them now—poorer and dirtier, maybe, but she liked to think life would be simpler. At least then she wouldn’t be carrying a child of unknown parentage who could one day take the very throne of Taengea.
“I never wanted any of this, you know,” she said to the window, unwilling to look back at Eliana, lest she lash out further. “You know just as well as I do that it was quite literally forced on me, and yet now you look at me as if I have grown two heads for the crime of laying with the only man I’ve ever loved.”
Had it been Achilleas in her position, bedding one of her sisters, there would have been scandal, yes, but many would not have blinked twice. It was often accepted, sometimes even expected, that a man would take more than his wife to his bed, and yet if the truth came about her, she would be reviled, thrown to the wolves as if she’d committed murder. After all, had Achilleas’s own father not publicly favored his mistress over his wife? He and Meena were whispered about, yes, but he did not suffer for it. Not in the way she would if she was found out.
“I know you don’t like Emilios. I don’t know why, but I know that much. But you don’t know him the way I do, Eliana. If you did, you wouldn’t be looking at me the way you are now.”
She fought to steady her breath, to calm her nerves so she could speak and think more rationally, rather than just throwing her from the room as she wanted to. She tried not to abuse her authority in ways like that, particularly not with her friends, but she already felt bad enough. Yes, she knew what she was doing would hurt Achilleas if he found out. She also knew how much she had hurt Emilios when she agreed to marry his brother. Yet… did no one think of how much she was hurting? Of how hard this was, to be stuck in such a position of authority that she had never asked for in the first place? To be forced to be there? Eliana said ‘I know it hurts,’ but did she really?
However, she also knew the other woman was right, even if she hated to hear her own inner berating take outer form. It was okay if she scolded herself. To have her handmaiden do it made her feel like a child sneaking sweets before dinner, no matter that she needed to hear it from lips other than her own.
“The temple is not a bad idea,” Theodora finally admitted in a begrudging mumble once she was sure her voice would not betray the tears that still wanted to fall. “Perhaps later in the week.”
Biting her lip, she mustered the courage to turn around and face Eliana again, her thumbnail replacing her lip as she worried at it with her teeth. “Should I… tell Emilios? About the babe?” She didn’t know why she was asking for advice, not after all that, but who else could she really turn to? This wasn’t exactly a situation where she could just speak to one of crown’s advisors. “Or would that just… make everything worse?”
“You think I don’t know all of that, Eliana? You think I have not said these things to myself, again and again?” Theodora growled as she stood up and walked away from her, clenching her fists and crossing her arms to hide her hands’ shaking. It wasn’t any more than what she’d expected, but Theodora could still feel a bubble of anger forming in her stomach that her retainer should think to lecture her on what was right and wrong, on the fact that Taengea needed unity now more than ever. She knew this was bigger than her. She knew what choices she shouldn’t have made. But she didn’t need her face rubbed in them.
She stood at the window and stared out at the tiny shapes moving below, envying them their blissful ignorance. While she had relished her life spent in the upper echelons of society, uncaring of the duty she would one day have to fulfill in marrying well, she wished she could be among them now—poorer and dirtier, maybe, but she liked to think life would be simpler. At least then she wouldn’t be carrying a child of unknown parentage who could one day take the very throne of Taengea.
“I never wanted any of this, you know,” she said to the window, unwilling to look back at Eliana, lest she lash out further. “You know just as well as I do that it was quite literally forced on me, and yet now you look at me as if I have grown two heads for the crime of laying with the only man I’ve ever loved.”
Had it been Achilleas in her position, bedding one of her sisters, there would have been scandal, yes, but many would not have blinked twice. It was often accepted, sometimes even expected, that a man would take more than his wife to his bed, and yet if the truth came about her, she would be reviled, thrown to the wolves as if she’d committed murder. After all, had Achilleas’s own father not publicly favored his mistress over his wife? He and Meena were whispered about, yes, but he did not suffer for it. Not in the way she would if she was found out.
“I know you don’t like Emilios. I don’t know why, but I know that much. But you don’t know him the way I do, Eliana. If you did, you wouldn’t be looking at me the way you are now.”
She fought to steady her breath, to calm her nerves so she could speak and think more rationally, rather than just throwing her from the room as she wanted to. She tried not to abuse her authority in ways like that, particularly not with her friends, but she already felt bad enough. Yes, she knew what she was doing would hurt Achilleas if he found out. She also knew how much she had hurt Emilios when she agreed to marry his brother. Yet… did no one think of how much she was hurting? Of how hard this was, to be stuck in such a position of authority that she had never asked for in the first place? To be forced to be there? Eliana said ‘I know it hurts,’ but did she really?
However, she also knew the other woman was right, even if she hated to hear her own inner berating take outer form. It was okay if she scolded herself. To have her handmaiden do it made her feel like a child sneaking sweets before dinner, no matter that she needed to hear it from lips other than her own.
“The temple is not a bad idea,” Theodora finally admitted in a begrudging mumble once she was sure her voice would not betray the tears that still wanted to fall. “Perhaps later in the week.”
Biting her lip, she mustered the courage to turn around and face Eliana again, her thumbnail replacing her lip as she worried at it with her teeth. “Should I… tell Emilios? About the babe?” She didn’t know why she was asking for advice, not after all that, but who else could she really turn to? This wasn’t exactly a situation where she could just speak to one of crown’s advisors. “Or would that just… make everything worse?”
