As surely as the fall of the sun and the rise of the moon, the girl whirled on Aea and stared down her arrow shaft. It occurred to Aea that perhaps speaking had not been the best course of action, as she didn’t know this girl. Quite presumptuous of her to think that she was the murderer between the two, and not the girl with the loaded bow.
However, Aea’s momentary doubt faded away when after a few heartbeats, the girl lowered her weapon. She also took a few steps back and kept her fingers curled where they needed to be curled in the event that she should want to draw quickly. Smart. Aea could not say that she would be half so clever, which probably meant that she was more likely to die than this girl.
An interesting thought for another time.
“I learned from my brothers.” The girl said.

Aea held up her hands and moved away from the tree, keeping her palms where the girl could clearly see them. “I learned from my uncle,” Aea offered, taking a few steps closer to better see the girl’s face. She considered holding back on her own information; she did not know this girl, and her family was private to a fault. But, her family was also not here.

This girl probably lived near. No doubt she’d be suspicious of Aea if she’d never seen her face before—Colchian cities weren’t exactly teeming with thousands upon thousands.
“I have four uncles.” Aea added. “And a cousin who may as well be a sister. But no brothers.”

“It will rain soon, why are you out here in the woods?” The girl asked.

Aea lowered her hands to her side and considered the girl’s face for a moment. The shadows made it difficult to tell her features with perfect precision, but it wasn’t difficult to see how clean and beautiful she was. A wealthy girl, perhaps, but she had no obvious wealth on her person save for perhaps her weapons.

The girl looked up at the sky, and perhaps it was the tense set of her jaw or the way her expression pulled her face, but she seemed momentarily afraid. Aea did not think she looked particularly frightening, but then again, how could she know when she was with herself every day? She might be as hideous and wild-looking as a boar for all she knew.

“I travel.” Aea said. She couldn’t exactly tell the truth, but there was no reason to flat-out lie either. Technicalities were her friend in this. “Sometimes as a hunter. Sometimes as a bard. I am always out in the woods, from here to Taengea, even when it rains. I was too restless to sleep, so I walked, and when I saw an interesting-looking local, I thought to speak with her.”
There, all very true. The girl did not need to know what Aea hunted, and her threadbare outfit was surely enough proof of her claim.

“I am Aea. I really did not mean to frighten you. I know the word of a stranger may not mean much, especially in the dark of the wood, but I swear on the Gods I will not harm you.” She watched the girl’s expression for a moment before adding, “If you would rather not get caught in the rain, we could probably make it to a tavern or at least a covered corral before the raindrops begin.”

Agogos cawed from the Black Forest behind her and thunder chased the cry, a distant silver strike lighting the quickly approaching clouds. Aea smiled, more soothed than bothered by the sound. She loved storms. There was a beautiful fury about them, especially at night. The smell of ozone and the sound of thrashing leaves reminded her of close huddles neath a quickly constructed lean-to. Callie used to hold Aea and Kaia during the storms. Sometimes she would hum even as the wind howled and battered their thatched roof, sometimes she would tell stories, but always it was warm and safe.

“Well, I am going to find a tavern. If you would prefer to stay in the rain, then I bid you farewell. If you would like to join me under a roof, however, I would be most interested to hear more about you. I was quite hoping you’d know a thing or two about military work. I’m afraid I’m quite ignorant of the process, but you seem knowledgeable.” Aea gave her a half-cocked grin, “Which will it be? Stalk shadows alone in a storm, or let a fellow hunter buy you some wine and conspire to conquer foreign lands in a dry room?”

It was strange how unthreatened Aea felt around this fascinating, armed girl in the dead of night. There was something comforting about her, a subtle grace and vulnerability. An openness, perhaps. Aea decided that she quite liked this mysterious girl, though she could not make a precise determination as to why. It filled her with a confidence and ease that she did not expect was usual for a stranger.

“You have a good soul, I think.” Aea suddenly decided, unabashed by her blunt statement. Her eyes found the girl’s dark gaze in the shadows. A strong wind blew and Aea inclined her head. “And no need for a bed time, I should hope.”

She waited for a handful of seconds before she turned from the girl and strode forward. She hadn’t actually been planning on entering a tavern tonight, for she never went into the city without Kaia, but Kaia had gone into the city without Aea—fair was fair. Besides, even if the girl opted not to come with her, Aea would not be killed or kidnapped if she were on her own. She was fairly certain that a slaver might pay her to stay far away from his doings, and a murderer could find much easier prey elsewhere. She was utterly safe no matter where she went, who she was with, or who she was without.

When the thunder rolled, the girl—Asia—moved. Aea could not see the details of her form in the dark, but she seemed rather skittish despite having been assured that Aea was not going to harm her. Perhaps she was mistrustful, perhaps she truly hated the rain. A tavern sounded like the best idea to keep them sufficiently dry while Aea mined answers from the girl, but Asia shook her head. What an odd thing. Aea was certain that she’d asked correctly; she’d seen her uncles talk to strangers plenty of times.

‘Ah, let me help you with that, mister. It’s a long walk to the town, and we are both going in the same direction, would you mind sharing the road with a fellow traveller?’
‘It is getting late, Mister, come join me at my fire and share a meal.’
They always said yes. This one was saying no. Perhaps Asia wasn’t accustomed to being invited places, though that was an unlikely idea. She was clean, beautiful, and young, so surely she was invited to many places in order to do many things. It was something to consider, certainly, and the rejection itself...did not feel pleasant. Perhaps she was doing this wrong after all.

“You can go to a tavern if you want, just head west and you should run into one after about 5 miles. Or you can follow me if you'd like, and if you see any good size sticks or kindling, please grab it if you come with me.”

So she was not rejecting Aea's presence...she was inviting Aea along with her. To where, though? Was she was luring Aea to certain death? Asia did not feel like a murderer, though it was foolish to trust instinct wholly. After all, Asia may simply be skilled at hiding her vicious nature behind a synthetic aura of harmlessness. There was only one way to confirm that.

A large part of Aea, the part that made good and efficient decisions, wanted to turn and walk back to camp. She was fairly certain that if it came down to it, she would be able to escape a dangerous situation if this girl were the manufacturer. Asia was smaller, perhaps younger but perhaps not, and she held herself tense as if suspicious that Aea meant her harm. A confident killer would not look so tense.

Asia did, however, mention brothers. How many, Aea could not begin to guess, but if there were as many brothers as she had uncles...she would be quite dead in a very short amount of time. She should leave while she was still free enough to move her legs. And then, Asia smiled, which was very confusing. Only moments ago, her expression was drained of humor. She had been like the steady swell of the sea, deep and smooth in the way it rose and fell. Now, as her face lit up momentarily, she reminded Aea of a warm summer day-storm, unpredictable, daring foolish children to come out and muddy their clothes. Was she happy because she was thinking of murdering Aea?

It would be best to leave. She did not want to go to a place that she did not know, she did not want to be harried into a concave pocket and trapped like a hare. But what would be the point in killing her? She had nothing of value on her and she would make for poor sport—she decided rather suddenly that she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of a scream or a death rattle. If she was run through, she would simply stare at them as if already dead. If she made any noise, it would be nonsensical chanting in her most raspy, high-pitched voice. She would be sure that the only articulate thing to roll from her tongue would be the name of Lord Hades.

At least if she died, she would ensure one of them was thoroughly embarrassed from shitting themselves. But she did not have to worry about dying, chanting, or making people shit themselves because she was not going.

Asia walked away, her four expertly slaughtered rabbits dangling from one hand while the other gathered fuel for her fire. Aea narrowed her eyes at the back of the girl’s head. An image of her boiling in a pot alongside the rabbits came unbidden to her mind’s eye and she would have snorted at the ridiculousness of the notion had she been alone.

Admittedly, cannibalism was a perfectly adequate reason to kill Aea. To a common murderer, her body was worth nothing but the brief entertainment it could give as it bled onto the ground. Perhaps her look of shock might be particularly pleasant, but it was not enough value to go out of the way to kill her. To a cannibal, however, Aea was dinner, and that was valuable indeed.

It took only a few seconds for to consider Asia’s cannibalism a possible, if implausible, probability. And then Aea scowled at herself for the fear shooting down her spine. She was working herself up over nothing, probably. This girl didn’t want to go to a public place because it was far and she didn’t want to get rained on, not because she wanted to use Aea’s bones to make broth. She was injecting fear for no other reason than fear’s sake, and like her father said—once fear entered the picture, there was no choice but to wrestle it to the ground and fuck it with your sword. Figuratively. She was pretty sure, anyway.

Aea collected her ridiculous thoughts and stuffed them into a ball before throwing them aside, promptly ignored. She would not die today, and if she believed her own imagination, she would miss out on an opportunity to talk to a human outside of her family that had interesting information and stories to tell. Besides, Aea had felled man twice as large as as Asia, and she was sure she could keep her pace for as long as it took to get far from the bow’s firing zone.

She was fine. Nothing would happen.

Her mind decided, she trekked after the brunette and bent every so often when her foot happened upon a generous collection of too-dry leaves and shed branches. Wordlessly, they picked their way through the wilderness. The cave wasn’t a particularly near or far place, and the distance gave Aea plenty of time to ponder the back of Asia’s head as she moved faster yet again. With each handful of moments, her steps quickened, and Aea would quicken hers as well. It was as if Asia were tardy to some unknown appointment, and again, Aea’s pulse quickened and she had to reassure herself that it was not an appointment of her death—only that Asia was moving fast to avoid the coming shower.

“It's just up ahead, we are almost there," Asia said.

Aea squinted ahead, but she could not see the specific outcropping that the girl was talking about. Of course, she’d never been to the cave, so her eyes would not know what to seek. Still, she trusted this girl not to kill her, she trusted that her brothers would not materialize from the trees and strike her down. She should not trust these things, and maybe she didn’t, but she trusted in her ability to escape or kill them first at least.

Her heartbeat picked up as they got closer and closer to the face of the cliffs and she held her branches tighter. Everything was fine. She would fuck this fear of death with her figurative sword, absorb new company, and be better off for it come morning. Aea held her breath and loosened her right arm from her pile of fuel, wrapping her hand around one of her daggers and knuckling it tight. She stepped into the cave behind Asia, loosened her stance, and...nothing. Nobody was here, just the two of them.

Aea snapped her head sideways and looked over her shoulder, straining her ears to hear movement from the forest beyond. Nothing but the wind and the animals. She allowed herself to breathe and her heartbeat calmed little by little with each passing second, her jumping pulse regulating back to a normal flow.

There were vague black shapes that were slightly darker than the blackness of the rest of the cave. Seating, perhaps, or benches for work and sleep. Did...did Asia live here? Is that why she did not want to go to the city? Aea had known a hermit or two, and they were usually so wild and apart from mankind that any human presence was enough to send them into tremors. Now everything made sense. Almost. It did not explain how her clothes and her hair were so clean.

“You can place those in the pile over by the wall, there should be some still there, so this should last till the storm passes," Asia said.

Aea glanced around and tried to decide which wall she spoke of, but then the red light of the fire threw the black shadows into the far corners of the cave, illuminating the girl’s stock of fuel. It was quick work for Aea to organize her armload and incorporate it into the pile of excess.

Asia’s voice brought Aea’s attention back to the center of the cave. If before the girl seemed aloof and quiet, now she seemed to be melting into the sort of relaxation that one must feel when under a roof they might call their own. Perhaps she really was a hermit, and perhaps Aea had set the girl's anxiety alight by intruding upon her. It was strange how context could make Asia appear a bloodthirsty criminal in one moment, and a quiet but amicable hermit the next.

“You talked of buying wine, but you don't need to unless you plan to pay me." Asia pointed behind her and, sure enough, there were a couple of barrels sitting against the wall. How on earth did she manage that? She was so small and feminine, and even her clearly defined arms did not pack enough muscle to haul a barrel of wine through the wilderness alone. Her tenacity must be something quite legendary.

“It took me a long time to get those here, but I am willing to share,” she added.

“Thank you.” Aea hadn’t spoken since they left, too busy worrying whether she would die tonight, but Asia’s willingness to share was...well, it was remarkable, and touching. She did not have much save for her cave, and yet she was welcoming a stranger into her home and offering the resources she did have. It was humbling, and Aea’s shame ran deep; she was at fault for ever thinking Asia to be anything less than kind.

She watched the girl cut into her first prize for a moment before turning to find drinkware, for she wouldn’t presume to crack a barrel and bury her face in it to slurp like a horse. She found a large cup, but not a second—which would make sense since Asia appeared to live alone—and worked the top from the barrel before dipping the cup into the sweet liquid.

Aea took a long drink of the wine and her muscles relaxed a little more. The thunder boomed outside, nudging the cliff from below her feet. She took a few small strides and then picked her way over to the log perpendicular to Asia’s. She took another big gulp of the wine to steady to her nerves because now that she had Asia where she wanted her, she didn’t quite know how to proceed. How did one begin a conversation with a stranger? It had seemed so easy and natural before, but now there was a weight to the task.

“Are you hungry? There are four rabbits here, there is no way I can eat all this myself." As Asia prepared the feast, the smell of roasting meat soon filled the small cave.

Aea nodded, watching as Asia continued to expertly skin and debowl her quarry. Aea handed over the cup of wine and looked to the mouth of the cave, where the rain began to shoot to the ground like a thousand arrows. Shit.

Aea pulled the bag of dried fish from her waist and stretched toward the entrance, holding it up and shaking it. For a moment, there was no immediate answer and Aea was afraid he’d gone. It was silly; he always came back, but she would feel a lot better about this social dilemma she’d put herself into. When Agogos cawed, Aea breathed a sigh of relief and he shot into the cave, snagging his bag of treats from her fingers in the process.

His presence lent her a small amount of warmth and familiarity and Aea felt comfortable enough to disarm. She untied the frayed leather harness holding her bow and quiver to her back and set them against the cave wall before sliding five of her six daggers from her rope belt to place beside her harness.

When Aea sat back down, she grabbed a rabbit to help in the preparation. Its fleshy body was already skinned, so Aea pierced its groin with the tip of her blade and worked it meticulously upward. After a moment of working in silence and trying to recapture some of the things she’d wanted to say to this girl initially, Aea latched onto at least one articulate sentence and flung it from her mouth.

“I like your cave.” She said, splitting open the slitted rabbit. Her fingers dug past the muscle and hooked around the anus, tugging it gently up and out so that the meat was not spoiled. “It is very cozy. And thank you, you know, for inviting me into it and sharing your dinner. I don’t have much in the way of payment, but I shall owe you a drink and a meal if ever we meet again.”

From between the ribcage, Aea yanked the organs and intestines out in one swift movement. She tossed them into the pile Asia was making and then cleared the carcass of its remaining organs. Agogos was busy burying his face into his treat bag, but now he was looking at the rabbit and hopping his way over.

“So, ah, forgive me for interrupting you, I suppose curiosity breeds interlopers. But I...I suppose there’s no polite way of asking: who are you? I mean—” this was going very well. “How did you come to live in the woods, and yet look so clean? I assumed at first you were in the military yourself, but…you don’t live in barracks. Or do you? Is this a...vacation home?”

Stop talking.

Aea cleared her throat and tossed the remaining organs to her crow before shoving a roasting stick through the cleaned carcass. She set it into the fire and then grabbed the wine, taking another large gulp. Perhaps if she had not made herself so nervous earlier with thoughts of cannibalism, she would not be so jumpy now. It took some time to soothe her nerves once they became frazzled; her adrenaline seemed to pump far longer than the average person. Then again, that was something she could not know, as she did not inhabit any body but her own.

But surely that wasn't it. She'd felt fear before and once conquered, it tended to clear away rather swiftly. What was so different from talking to Asia in the woods and talking to her in her house? The only difference she could think of was the cave itself...was that it? Aea glanced to the left and the right, and sure enough, the walls were pressed in far too close. If she leaned far back, she might hit another wall. It made her feel ironically exposed; there was nothing happening around Aea, nothing to look at, no place to walk or run or skip. She'd been in caves before, but not with a stranger. The unease she felt was shameful. Who was unnerved by a cave? Aea would not let this small space have dominion over her nerves.

“I guess something pissed Zues off. I hope it wasn't anything we did," Asia said.
Aea snorted, her nerves settling a little by the girl’s sense of humor, but not enough to take the tension from her belly and shoulders. Should she reply? What would she say? Actually, it might be so. You see, I stumbled into some cow shit the other day and then cursed the eagle flying overhead.
No. That would not be a good reply. She could almost see the awkward silence that would descend upon the cave at that. So, she elected to say nothing at all.

As she got settled with the large cup of wine, her anxiety climbed, little by little, until she cued Agogos inside. He may just be a bird, but it was a comfort to have him around, like a tiny shard of home that was always hovering, even if she couldn’t see him at all times. It was enough of a balm to disarm, at least.
“I am assuming that is yours?” Asia held out a heart to the raven.

Aea sat back down upon the log, now free of her weapons, and watched the raven as he yanked his head from his bag, stared at Asia for some long moments, then blinked and hopped to her. He snapped the heart in his beak and tore into it with a savagery that implied he was starving. He wasn’t, he was just gluttonous.
“He’s my friend, yes. Well—” Aea mulled over the word in her head. Friend. Maybe he was to her. She talked to him, took care of him, and loved him in a distant way, but what was she to him? “I suppose not a friend. A partner of sorts. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement.”

She kept watching Agogos because he was the only thing around that wasn’t stagnant or Asia, and Aea wasn’t sure of the protocol for looking at strangers in such agonizingly close quarters. She knew, at least, that one was supposed to look upon the conversationalist when speaking. Her eyes tore from her bird and flitted to Asia, watching the girl's hands as she picked up yet another carcass.
“I don’t suppose you have a pet wandering around nearby?”
A hound, Aea thought, might suit this mysterious girl. A splendid long-legged one with a short coat and a long snout.

She attempted what she could only assume was small-talk. Her attempt did not go as planned. Instead of saying anything interesting or noteworthy, she simply blurted ‘I like your cave’ as if she were a simpleton who knew no other words but those that contained a single syllable. She clenched her teeth and focused on the rabbit splayed bloody in her hands.
Idiot.

Asia’s lips spread into a warm smile, Aea could see it from her peripherals. She was glad that at least one of them had a semblance of social decorum, else they would both be blundering about and then Aea would have started sweating.
“Thank you. I keep it secret from my family, it's my own personal space," Asia said.
Her ears pricked at that. She had brothers, and assumedly she had at least one—if not both—parents. With so many of them around, how did she manage to sneak away? If they were also hermits, would they not have stumbled across Asia’s cliffside burrow? Would it be considered a retreat of sorts?

How humbling it was to be invited into such a sacred space. Aea could imagine that if she had such a place, she would guard it jealously and never let a soul inside unless they were about to be loosed from their shells. It was a good thing that there were people in this world such as Asia, and Aea stood by her earlier assessment—she had a good soul. It was a counter-balance to people like Aea, who would like to be so warm and welcoming if only the thought didn’t make her skin crawl.

What were the differences between them? What made Asia’s soul good, and how was it built? Aea kept working at her rabbit, getting lost in her thoughts so that she paid no mind to the way she wished to tear out of her own skin like a snake. It wasn’t clear whether experience or the Gods dictated a soul. All of her uncles except for Agolois claimed the former, but Aea was of a mind to listen to Kaia’s father over the rest. He did not speak often, but when he did, it was advisable to shut up and listen attentively.

He said that all souls were new at the beginning, and they formed in value as they grew. If it was not so, he riddled, then how could a man be carefree and generous for half his life, and then become wary and greedy the other half? The answer varied: slavery, Gatheron said. Wisdom, Hektos countered. Ah, Agolois said, and so the experience of slavery, and the experience of living long changed his character, his identity, his mind?
They’d dissolved into an argument after that and could not reach a conclusion, but Aea had listened, and she’d thought, and it seemed to her that if one should argue how a soul worked, it would first need to be defined to a base element that all could agree upon. Like Gatheron said, the only way to prove something without a doubt was to attempt to disprove it, and for that, one needed to interact with the question as a mass or observe it as a phenomenon. Otherwise they risked arguing abstracts, which never reached a conclusion.

Aea thought it was just as likely the Gods dictated such things, but if they did not...what had happened to Asia to make her welcoming, where Aea would shun? What made her startle in the forest, but melt into a comfortable amiability within a cave? What made her joke so easily when Aea could not grasp words she could extend as a means of connection? She thought back to the flash of Asia’s calf. Scarred in the wood, perhaps. Her clean clothes and unmarred features meant somebody cared for her. Her deadly accurate aim, even in the dark of a midnight storm. That took practice, which took dedication, and few people were so dedicated to something without purpose. She could not be a soldier, for she lived here at least in part, and she was far too much of a comforting and welcoming presence to have seen much blood and death, much less had a hand in it. What a puzzle. Aea would piece it together; she wasn’t the sort of intelligence that could leave well enough alone. Common sense, they called it. If it were so common, it would not be so difficult for her to find it.

Aea quietly thanked Asia for inviting her into the cave. She was vaguely aware that she’d been getting too lost in thought, and it was the height of rudeness to do that with anybody at all, much less this kind stranger.

“You're welcome, it's all good. If you had a blade drawn at me, it would have been a different conversation earlier. But you didn't, and with the rain, it made sense to me to offer. As for your offer, I will take it as an offer and not an owe, because you do not owe me.”

Once more, Aea tamped down her first instinctive reply. She was glad her mouth had a filter some of the time, else she might have said something along the lines of, ‘oh, funny you should mention that. I was thinking of robbing you. Only for a moment, of course, as it was quickly apparent that you had no actual wealth upon your person save for your body, which I would have liked to cut open to see if I could find the physical mass of your divine soul. Lucky I didn't, else I would have never formally met you!’

“Generally, it’s considered a bad idea to draw a melee weapon on a ranged fighter at a distance. Bad manners, too.” Aea cracked a small smile. She picked her words carefully that time rather than tossing them out just to fill the cave with something other than her discomforting silence. “It’s kind of you to refute me as indebted, and so I’ll leave it as an offer for the future, should we cross paths again.”
She scooped the last of the innards from Asia’s kill and tossed them to Agogos.

“There. If it is such a big thing, you just worked for it, so you owe nothing,” Asia said.

Aea inclined her head toward the girl while keeping her eyes focused upon her task. “The Plebian Debt,” she muttered, glancing at Asia long enough to throw a rueful half-smile.

“And so the Gods, loving Prometheus' creation so well, decided that the construct should live always in comfort and beauty. He should not have to till the fields, for it left no time for leisure. And so the farmers sprang from the mud. Still, the beloved construct would waste precious time with the washing of his clothing. Up sprang the maids. Cooking was mundane, weaving doubly so, mining, dressing, hunting, preparing the dead, caring for the sick. The chefs, the surgeons, the basket weavers, blacksmiths, they all crawled from Prometheus' pit. The slaves came last, there to serve the servants so that they could perform their labors with the greatest of efficiency. At last that most precious construct beheld his naked, cobbled-together army and sneered, for they were not so meticulously made as he, they were not so adored by the Gods. ‘Send them away,’ the construct pleaded, ‘I cannot stand the smell of them.’ But Prometheus insisted he reconsider, for if he did all the work of all the army, the construct would become ugly and shriveled with the sun. His back would break and bend under the weight of the plow. His nails would chip, his voice would become broken, and his perfectly crafted spirit would slowly crumble until it was but another part of the wind. The construct did not care. The army, terrified of being unmade, begged the construct to reconsider. To use them as he saw fit. They would give him everything, bow to his will, break their bones upon his altar if he so wished it. The construct, hating them so well that he wished very much to see them do as they claimed, agreed to allow them within his presence, for without him, they were without purpose and would be broken back into mud. 'But,' said the construct, for my tolerance, I shall have tribute from you. Your bones and your spirits are but gradual sacrifices, and you shall give a little piece each day. For my immediate grace, you shall give me your gratitude and subjugation. When I reward you, you shall indebt yourself to repay my kindness, and you shall always be thankful you are alive to do so. So as to not offend me with your actions as well as your presence, you shall beg my forgiveness at every turn, no matter how small the sleight may seem. Do this, and perhaps one day I shall release you from your servitude, and you shall live forever after in the same way that I do.'”

Aea stared into the fire and shook her head and glanced side-long at Asia, “An old folk tale, I think. It is not recorded in the histories that I have heard tell. A bleak reminder of why humans greedily snatch debt to load onto our shoulders, and why we apologize unnecessarily. You are the first person who has ever pointed it out. I think we should all endeavor to limit our self-inflicted subjugation, and so I shall.”

She held out a handful of organs to Agogos, who hopped over so eagerly he was likely to spill over if he didn’t flap his wings for balance. In the following silence, Aea became aware once more of how uneasy she felt. It wasn’t toward something she could easily point out, which made it more nerve-wracking. One could not fix their own unease if one did not know which element to remove from the vicinity. She opened her mouth to speak again, to keep the conversation going, for it was only when words were spoken or thoughts were had that she forgot the eerie sensation crawling along her skin and down her throat. Unfortunately, her nervousness only fueled the rapid firing of each question she had in the forefront of her mind. She stopped talking when Asia giggled and waved her hands for Aea to stop—before Aea could spew anything else equally as clumsy.

“Aea, Aea... I will answer some of your questions, but slow down!” Asia laughed.

Aea almost apologized, but remembered her words and caught the mistake before it could tumble forth. It really was a bad habit, and she wasn’t truly sorrowful for talking so quickly...only a little embarrassed at her own lack of grace and eloquence. Not that she had much to begin with, but she liked to believe she was skilled at pretending to function as any other human might, at the very least.

Asia refilled the wine and Aea’s eyebrows shot up. She didn’t realize they’d finished the first. She must have been taking gulps to distract herself without realizing. When the cup was passed to her, Aea took a long swig in the hopes that at some very soon point, she would become her usual self.

“Now, I am Asia. That is all I will tell you, because here in this cave, that is who I am,” Asia said.

Aea considered her carefully. Her eyes bounced all over Asia’s face, scrambling to piece together what in Hades she meant by ‘that is all I will tell you.’ Hermits were secretive, it was just in their nature from living away from man for so long, but what else could she be besides Asia—what thing could warrant half an identity concealed?
She’s wanted.
Of course! That had to be it; when Hektos lured targets, he would often conversate with them as they walked down the road. He would dance around who he was, what he did, and where he was from, and sometimes he would give them a false name—in case one ever escaped, naturally.

“As for living in the woods, I don't. This is where I hide from the elements or if I just need a space. As you saw, it is hard to find unless you are right on it.”

Ah. Asia didn’t live in the woods—there went Aea’s assumptions then. She should not make them so readily, she supposed. It was only that assumption was the device by which she made split decisions, by which she read a situation. Asia lived in the city, then. That explained her cleanliness. But if she was civilized, did that mean she snuck from her home? Civilized families kept their women locked tight.

“No this isn't a vacation home. Where are you from? You said you traveled, where all have you been?”

Aea tried not to let herself feel embarrassed. It sounded so ridiculous when said aloud as a reflection. “I see. I hope you don’t mind my assumption. It is only that I’ve been told, well, it doesn’t matter I suppose. I’ve been everywhere in Greece, and some places beyond, but truthfully I’m disallowed from leaving the wood unless it’s a wayside tavern or inn. Even then, I’m only allowed to sit the posts and play my lyre rather than go inside.”

She deflected the question of where she was from. She didn’t know, and she understood it was strange to not know where one was sprung from. Aea connected to the lands of Colchis the most, and she’d been in Colchis the most, so she liked to imagine she was born here.

“Where have you been?” Aea asked, bouncing the question back to Asia. Just because she was not a hermit didn’t mean she didn’t travel.

Aea took another big gulp of wine. Her fingers drummed against the cup. Agogos’s digits scraped the rock floor and Aea twitched. Lightning cracked the sky from the mouth of the cave and the rain pelted the entrance. It was preferable to be outside right now. It was as if the walls were getting closer, even though that was impossible.

“Why do you look like you are about to jump out of your own skin?”

Aea took another gulp and handed the wine back to her hostess. She was trying to stay still and be calm, but apparently she had to work a little harder on her deceptions. “I don’t know. Only that something feels wrong, like something terrible is going to happen in only a moment, or my body doesn’t fit right.”

Asia stood and approached her, and though Aea didn’t know what she was doing, she stood up when the girl nudged her. The log seemed to be the focal point of Asia’s attention as she moved it from the heart of the cave to the mouth before gesturing for Aea to come sit. Curiously, the taller of the girls inched forward and tentatively sat back down.
“Better?” Asia said.

Aea tilted her head and the storm wind breathed onto her side, into the openings of her peplos, and along her overheated skin. It filtered through her pores, into her blood, and the feeling of slow suffocation suddenly fled her. Aea leaned more toward the cave opening and exhaled evenly before she flicked her eyes to Asia.

“Better.” A smile, this time a small grin, took over her face.

“Do you want more wine?”

“Please.” Aea held out her hand and received the cup. “How did you know to do that?”

“I don't have any kind of pet, I don't think I have the patience for them," Asia said.

Aea found it odd that she should mention a lack of patience when she wielded a bow so well. The practice it took to become skilled at a weapon that was characterized by the steady draw, the paced aim, and the waiting game that was the hunt was, in itself, a lesson in patience. Aea watched her own hands as they worked upon the rabbit, never once giving away her thoughts as they came upon her. Asia was contradictory, something to watch for. If she was a liar, she was either unskilled at it or she was purposefully contradicting herself to throw Aea off. But to what end?

“If I could, I might want a bird one day. Maybe a falcon so he can hunt like I do."

Aea did not pause in her labor even though Asia's comment once again threw her. She’d wanted the same when she was a child, but her father was quick to dash her hopes. Incredible patience would be needed for such a task. There was the capture of the raptor, the conditioning to his hood, the careful monitoring of his diet so he did not weaken from neurosis nor grow portly and unwilling to hunt in his stagnation. A person who did not value themselves patient enough for any pet would surely find herself beyond frustrated when trying to tame a wild animal, especially one so sensitive as the falcon. Asia shrugged as if it were a passing thought instead of a true desire.

Instead of voicing her thoughts and asking how one so impatient hoped to achieve something that required far more patience than a hound, or noting that a hunting falcon, like a raven, was far from a pet, Aea pressed for more information. This girl was hiding something, for nobody was so contradictory without being dishonest. Aea would have the truth, whether Asia told her outright or she had to puzzle through it herself.

“Do you know any falcon masters who might teach you?” Aea ventured casually. An answer to that would be telling. If her curiosity was not satisfied tonight, and if Asia answered in the affirmative, Aea would simply seek out any falcon masters within the city and ask if they knew Asia. Aea did not know what specific information she was looking for, only that she was already on her toes and that Asia’s contradiction had set off red flags. It could have been a simple misspoken statement, or one that she did not ponder deeply upon, or one that Aea was reading into much too deeply, perhaps all three. She considered forgetting the statement altogether and simply moving onto other topics, but the mere thought of simply letting it go felt too much like walking into a trap—illogical as it was, it was not a pleasant sensation, and so she avoided such feelings with due diligence.

“Or perhaps you know of literature on the subject?” Asia’s answer to that would be even more telling. Aea could not read, and she could not write beyond her name. Gatheron knew how, but her father forbade it. Reading and writing was for the high born, he’d said, and those whose livelihood depended on such things. Aea and Kaia did not require such useless knowledge, and learning it would only take away from time that could be spent working or practicing skills that mattered. If Asia could read and write, though, then there was certainly something more to her than she presented.

A silence took over the cave that was, apparently, not Asia’s home. Just a place for her to be away from her family. The mystery became more perplexing at that. Aea’s thoughts bounced from one question to the next idea, considering all manner of hypotheticals and possibilities of this girl. The steady sheets of rain provided a calming backdrop to the otherwise eerie quiet of the cave. The walls towered and loomed so close that the silence itself bounced and magnified as an echo. A flash of light lit up the blackened sky and thunder cracked the heavens, making both Aea and Asia startle.

“Malaka! Stop trying to scare us with your bolts, it isn't working and you are just being rude.”

Aea’s eyes grew wide and she stared at Asia’s face in profile for a moment before her gaze swung to the cave entrance. She was tensed as she waited, fully expecting the next clap of lightning to bring Zeus himself to the mouth of the cliff pocket. The clouds flashed white in the distance, but no man, swan, or bull materialized from the rain.

Aea let out the breath she’d been holding and turned her attention to her mysterious companion once more. This girl was insane. It was one thing to think such things in the private domain of the mind, it was another entirely to breathe them aloud. Asia was lucky they weren’t important enough to pay attention to, for if any God took offence at Asia’s words, Aea would gladly stand far aside so they could take revenge upon the blasphemer—after all, Aea was not the one to make such impious utterances.

And then Asia started laughing. Aea frowned heavily, half confused and half concerned that she’d taken shelter with a true madwoman. The girl’s laughter had started Agogos and the raven abandoned his perch between the logs and settled himself beside Aea, watching Asia as the girl kept laughing. Once she’d sobered and the quiet had taken over once more, Aea wasn’t sure what to say to diffuse her own confusion. So, she opted for an awkward thanks to Asia for her hospitality rather than commenting on Asia's divine death wish.

“You're welcome,” Asia said, “it's all good. If you had a blade drawn at me, it would have been a different conversation earlier. But you didn't, and with the rain, it made sense to me to offer. As for your offer, I will take it as an offer and not an owe, because you do not owe me.”

Thankfully, Aea didn’t spit out the very first thing that came to mind. Instead, she allowed herself a few seconds to think of a better reply. “Generally, it’s considered a bad idea to draw a melee weapon on a ranged fighter at a distance. Bad manners, too. It’s kind of you to refute me as indebted, and so I’ll leave it as an offer for the future, should we cross paths again.”

“Indeed. Though I am told I am not too bad with melee weapons either, but I agree, they don't do so well against long range unless you have more than one. And yes, bad manners too.” Asia turned the rabbits with a smile, “Ok, when and if we meet in the future, we meet as friends. That way, we know that if we do meet again, we were meant to be as such and for now we are travel companions sharing a meal and fire while hiding from the rain.”

Aea thought about her predisposition for apologies and debts. She did not know how it came to be. If she thought about it enough, she knew she would find her father and her need to pacify him at the root of it all, but Dasmo would say it was a curse from the Gods. She did not know this girl well enough to speak of such deeply rooted origins as parental conditioning, but she knew a tale to share that had nothing to do with it. Aea knew she could have said anything, or nothing at all on the subject, but it was beginning to feel as if Asia were holding up the conversation and a story was all she had to give in reciprocation. Sometimes a story was the only language she knew.

So she banished her doubt of appropriateness and recited the story anyway, her own extended olive branch to the girl who shared her cave so readily. Asia was silent after that, but this time Aea did not feel the need to say something of substance to entertain the conversation. Now it felt normal, less forced and unsure.

“Friends, huh?” Aea twisted the word around in her mouth. Friend. She’d not had one before. What would such a thing entail? Not killing one another, certainly. Perhaps love, of a sort. Talking. Trust. A friend...yes, that sounded very nice. She would like to have one. That time, she allowed her first thought to flow past her lips. Asia’s presence was becoming more comfortable, little by little, and even Agogos had shifted on Aea’s log to get a little closer to the girl.

Aea pursed her lips and made a small, thoughtful sound, “If we meet in the future, I’ll have to test your mettle with a blade. That is what friends do, after all.”

She was better with a dagger than a bow, and although her father sometimes humored her with a playful duel, they became less frequent as she aged. Now, she was almost afraid to ask him, uncertain if it would be the day he bid her put away her childish games. It was a silly fear; Kaia would be married off before her, as Kaia was eldest. That is why she was given all of the new clothes first, and Aea was disallowed anything but a tunic. As long as Kaia remained unmarried, Aea did not have to worry about giving up anything. She could keep her blades for now. If Asia was right and they did meet again, Aea would most certainly challenge the other girl, for that would be a true stamp of fellowship.

After clearing up Aea’s misconceptions and assumptions, the topic moved to travel. She did not miss the way Asia shuddered before poking at the sizzling meat—perhaps talk of taverns disgusted the other girl. That would explain why she did not want to go to one. Maybe something bad had happened to her at an establishment; it wouldn’t surprise Aea. Asia was small and lovely. Perhaps, like Kaia, men saw such delicate beauty and thought it a marvelous idea to try and claim it. Perhaps, in Asia’s case, one had succeeded. Instead of asking, for she did not think they were drunk enough for such conversation, Aea asked her companion of her own travels.

“Where have I been? Well, all over Greece to be honest. I have been all over Colchis, traveled to both Taengea and Athenia with my family, so quite a few places. Though I haven't been anywhere outside of Greece yet. What was that like?”

A smile broke out upon Aea’s face, distracting her from trying to read between the lines of Asia’s reply. “Incredible, and terrifying. Cold, and beautiful. I went north, more north than I knew a person could go. The people were so different. They let the women fight if they chose to. And they had these long boats they would tie together, like a large floating deck, and they would have pitched battles right there on the water. There were huge creatures with great long tusks, whales the color of milk, and giant wolves two times the size of a Greecian beast. They had these...things for cleaning. Soap! Yes, they called it soap. They made it from tree ash and animal fat, and when you bathed with it, you would be as clean and soft as a newborn. One day I will go back there, I hope. And my father has promised to take me west when we have the means to go.”

As she spoke, she gestured with her hands in wild arcs, her expression shifting with each wonder she listed. There was more to tell, much more, but she would not overwhelm her audience with too much information. Aea clasped her hands between her legs and gave Asia a small, sheepish smile. She wished to travel everywhere, to see all the animals and meet every person there was to meet, but it might be years yet before she had another opportunity. She was stuck here in Greece until then, and tonight, she was stuck in these rock walls. The company was pleasant, at least, and Asia was very good at distracting her from the ever inward press of the cave.

Another bolt of lightning flashed, and though it started Aea, she longed to be closer to the downpour than the fire. Soon after, Asia rose and moved Aea about until she was sitting against the mouth of the cave, easily able to lean out and let the rain slick her face if she so chose. With the movement came relief, and it was as if she’d been finally freed from a locked box. Her mind stopped whirling, her muscles unclenched, and just like that, she was at ease. Aea took the wine Asia offered and asked the other girl how she knew to do such a thing.

Asia didn’t answer immediately. Instead, she loosened two rabbits from the fire and offered one to Aea, who took it without hesitation and parted the meat to release some of the heat. When the shorter girl retook her seat, Aea watched her expression as she spoke. While Asia had been confident and open before, her spirit seemed to fold in on itself now, just a little bit. “I know because I know what panic looks like. Mine is not the same as yours, but I have been told I get the same look on my face. Pair that with your comment on always being outside and how you looked at the walls, it made sense to me. I am just glad it helped.”

Aea blinked but otherwise didn't react. She did not panic at walls. That was absolutely ridiculous. It was just toasty and unfamiliar, was all. Panic meant fear, and she was not afraid of a fucking cave. She did not voice her thoughts on the matter, for she did not want to come off as unappreciative to this girl who might one day be her friend. Still, she did not panic. The very idea was ludicrous.

Aea took two large gulps of the wine and handed it wordlessly back to Asia. And anyway, what was Asia’s panic about? She said it was not the same—and it couldn’t be anyway, because Aea did not panic at stupid things.

“Have you ever felt that way before?” Asia asked after she tore into her rabbit.

“What, panic?” Aea took a bite of her rabbit as well, chewing thoughtfully to give her plenty of time to answer without blurting something incriminating. Once she had her answer, she swallowed and nodded. “Of course I have. When loved ones die, or get sick, or get hurt...I can’t help but panic. There is nothing I can do for the dying, but when they aren’t yet dead, it is as if anything I do for them is not enough, and they will surely die anyway. It makes me nauseous.” She put her hand to her stomach. There were more instances. When prey got away, when her father grew angry and turned his eye upon her, when prey grabbed onto her as if she could or would save them. She panicked over many things—but not caves.

“What is your panic? I saw how wary you were when we first spoke. I thought it was I who unnerved you, but then you invited me to come along, so that couldn’t have been it.” She nodded at Asia’s leg, though she could not see the white scar at such an angle, “I figured it was either something to do with that scar on your leg, or the rain, or both.”

“I don't personally know any, but I am sure my father does. He knows everyone.”
Aea kept her eyes on her work and glanced up only when she saw Asia’s face light up with a small smile. Asia had a father and brothers, and the thought of the father put a smile upon her face. And he knew everybody. Merchant, then? Why was his daughter traipsing about in the woods? This was a fun puzzle.

Aea probed again, further this time. “Or perhaps you know of literature on the subject?”

Asia sighed, and that time Aea did look up. “Yes, I have read many books and scrolls on the subject, but it is easier to read about it compared to actually putting it into practice. What kind of stories have you read before?”

Aea smiled that time, small and soft rather than fully smug at catching Asia out. Many books and scrolls required money. The prospect of her family being wealthy merchants was becoming more and more likely. Teachers, after all, required money. If Asia had brothers, no doubt they would get an education before their sister, and so Asia's family must be very wealthy to educate her as well. Aea’s tone was light and casual when she answered. “Unfortunately, I cannot read.”

The flow of conversation was interrupted by a strike of lightning that startled Aea’s new companion, and her reply to such an interruption startled both Aea and Agogos in turn. The girl actually had the audacity to chastise the most vicious of all the Gods. Of the pantheon, Aea was most wary of Hera and Aphrodite, but Zeus and Posiedon were not far behind them.

But no figure materialized at the mouth of the cave, so Aea relaxed once more and silence enveloped them. Aea usually liked silence. But right now, it just made her more aware of how closed-in she was. She didn’t think Asia would kill her anymore—she didn’t even have a pot in here, much less one big enough to cook Aea in. It didn’t matter, because it wasn’t Asia that was making Aea’s skin prick, but the sensation of being slowly trapped without any hope of escape.

Aea swallowed and tried to ignore it. Such a sensation was stupid. There was not a single reason to have it. The smell of cooking meat chased the worst of it away. She was as hungry as she always was. She hated that about herself, this burning insatiability. Like she could never eat enough and her stomach was never full but for a moment.

The conversation picked up again, breaking the silence and the slow wavering of Aea’s concentration to how very close everything seemed. They spoke of weapons, and then Asia spoke of meeting in the future—as friends.

“Friends, huh?” Aea grinned. “If we meet in the future, I’ll have to test your mettle with a blade. That is what friends do, after all.”

“We can. Just not to the death or injure, because that is what friends do.”

Aea laughed, a sudden sound deep from her belly. When her mirth tapered, she eyed Asia from her peripherals. “It is easy enough to do, but where would be the fun in that? If you have no bruises or cuts, you are either very good already, or you did not try hard enough.”

She could not imagine fighting without aching afterwards. Perhaps dueling with swords would yield such non-injury, but she was neither swordsman nor dueler. Her smile turned lopsided, mischievous and challenging, “But if you are afraid to get hurt, I will keep that in mind and go easy on you. Should we meet again, that is.”

When the topic moved once more, this time to places far, Asia revealed that she’d been all over Greece. Aea imagined as much, given that she was likely the daughter of a rich merchant. Aea was far from a rich merchant, and she supposed they had very different stories to tell, but her favorite place had been in the north. Her father and uncles had not been so overbearing abroad as they were where at home.

“That sounds amazing. I can't imagine seeing a whale the color of milk or giant wolves! To see such things. Soap sounds nice, though why would they use that instead of the cleansing oils like we do? I mean...” Asia held up her arm. “Soft and clean too, right?”

Aea leaned over and gave her arm a whiff, jokingly at first, but then she found that Asia actually did smell good. She, herself, did not use cleansing oil, for that cost money. Aea only bathed with sea water, sand, and pumice stones. She wrinkled her nose and smiled, “I still argue that the soap is better. It takes all the grease away, it is faster, and it lightens your hair. That is why all the northerners are blonde. Granted, it didn’t do anything to mine, but it would bring out the gold in yours.”

Asia smiled back, “I bet if you sold this soap stuff at market, you could make a killing of it.”

Aea had never thought of it before. Mayhap Asia was onto something. “That’s true. Maybe we should make some and monopolize it before somebody else does. We will go down in history as the women who cleaned Greece. If we meet again, of course.”

She would like to go back one day. Maybe next time, her father would allow her in the forward advance when their hosts warred with their neighboring tribes. It would not be horrible to see the prince again, either, though he was no prince as Aea’s people knew them. Maybe she would get the nerve to talk to him next time too. He would have a queen and little princes and princesses by then, but Aea would harm nobody with looking.

Silence overtook them once more, and again, so did the feeling of being closed in. It was worse every time. This time, however, Asia stood and maneuvered Aea until the taller of the duo sat inches away from the falling rain at the mouth of the cave. And just like that, she was soothed.

“How did you know to do that?” she asked.

Asia was quiet for a moment, minutely withdrawn. Not enough to cause worry, but enough to be noticeable. “I know because I know what panic looks like. Mine is not the same as yours, but I have been told I get the same look on my face. Pair that with your comment on always being outside and how you looked at the walls, it made sense to me. I am just glad it helped.”

The other girl began to chew upon her rabbit and Aea followed her host’s lead, nibbling politely at first before her hunger got the better of her and she tore into it like a particularly hungry savage.

“Have you ever felt that way before?” Asia asked between bites.

Aea knew she panicked more than she didn’t, but that was not something one admitted to, and she’d gotten proficient at lying to herself when the need arose. She did not enjoy when her family cast a collective, expectant gaze upon her. She panicked when engaging in a new activity while her family looked upon her. She panicked when she could not predict a wildly swinging mood when it settled onto her. Unless she was already focused on something, taking her off guard with something that wasn’t a threat ensured a rapid heartbeat because she did not quite know how to respond.

As in the case of following Asia here. Aea should not say as much, for it was surely insulting, and she liked this girl. She did not want to insult her host. As she kept drinking, though, the fear of insulting her slowly ebbed away. As she ate her rabbit and took gulps of wine in turn, she realized belatedly that her swimming vision was indicative of her state of inebriation. Shit. How much had she drank? And why?

Aea quickly passed the cup to Asia and waved it off, “you have the rest. I drank too much.”

With the wine aside, she continued. “What is your panic? I saw how wary you were when we first spoke. I thought it was I who unnerved you, but then you invited me to come along, so that couldn’t have been it. I figured it was either something to do with that scar on your leg, or the rain, or both.”

“Yes, I have. I feel it when it is pitch dark. I am fine with moonlight, but when Artemis isn't high in the sky on her chariot, that is when I have my own panic. That and with spaces smaller than this cave.”

She was afeared of darkness. Aea had never heard of such a thing in an adult. Darkness was natural, it was soothing in the way it signaled sleep and an end to the day's labors. Still, Asia had a fear for a reason, and it was not Aea's place to deem it strange. She was sure she, herself, had strange fears. "Well, as long as you are with me, you never need fear darkness."

She shrugged because that was the only thing she could say on the subject without feeling as if she were mocking or poking fun at the vulnerabilities Asia shared. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe the girl was just this honest by nature. Aea liked to think it was the latter, for that meant she had been right about the girl having a good soul.

Asia reached down and grabbed some soft fur...thing. It was at the sheath of her knife. Aea stared at it a moment and attempted to puzzle out what, exactly, it was, but then Asia extended her leg and Aea was distracted from the dangling thing. “No, this was from a wild boar that was faster than I was when I was trying to climb up a tree. Needless to say, it got me good, but I did get him right back once I was up in the tree.”

Aea’s eyebrows shot up. A boar?! “It...got you good.” She cracked a smile that turned into a giggle at the flippant admittance, "There are few creatures in this world who are so beloved by Ares that they should not be trifled with. A boar is one of them. He must like you better than his beasts.”

Suddenly, Asia tilted her head slightly and Aea’s eyebrows furrowed as she mimicked her new friend, cocking her head just so and wondering what she was thinking.

“I feel comfortable around you. So even if you don't count us as friends yet, I do. So.. if you ever get in trouble while in Colchis, like with the soldiers or along those lines... tell them to let Athanasia know.”

Aea’s eyes widened slightly at the admission and she could not stop the grin spreading along her face. “I am glad to hear it. I feel comfortable, too. Though, I will admit..." they were friends now, and Asia had offered a truth to her. Aea offering her own felt like a mutual understanding, an extended olive branch of familiarity and agreement. "...I did have some panic earlier when you led me here. I thought your brothers were hiding in the trees, and that they would kill me when we passed through. I still don’t know why I followed you, but I am glad that I did, and that you and your brothers did not try and murder me.”

She shrugged. It was true, she didn’t know why she’d followed the other girl despite her misgivings. Had Asia been anyone else, Aea might be dead by now. “Athanasia…it is a pretty name, but a bit of a mouthful. I think I will still call you Asia. Wait—”

Aea straightened and leaned forward, squinting her eyes at Asia to study the pretty blush spreading upon the girl’s cheeks. If Aea could mention Asia's name to soldiers, then she must be one herself. “Are you a soldier? How do you enlist?”

And why was Asia blushing as if embarrassed about it? Being a soldier was honorable, and certainly more productive than killing people for a few obols. Aea had met a soldier in Taengea who’d been so very good at fighting that it inspired Aea to want to be the same. As a soldier, she would be able to perhaps leave the life of a threadbare wanderer, to escape inevitable marriage in exchange for a goat, to avoid dying as just another forgotten woman.

Aea surprised even herself at that. She’d never thought of it before, but expiring as a forgotten thing, without anyone to miss her and without having done anything worthwhile...it would take away from the point of living to begin with. She was sure many people would disagree with her, but she did not ascribe to such philosophies upon happiness. She truly believed that if one did not live life and extend their potential to the best of their ability, then it was a disservice. Not only to themselves, but the world around them. Aea did not want to live a useless life devoid of meaning.